Her Right Mistake

(41) Audrey

Audrey won't talk about it. She won't even think about it. She wrapped her arms around her legs and tucked her knees against her chest. Her fingers shielded her eyes from the sun. She peeks through the space between her thumb and forefinger to assess how much she overslept. Her arm slumped back to her side as she wishes she could sink further to the cushions.

He loves me.

She shakes her head aggressively, shoving the thought out of her head.

She told herself that this is how things are supposed to be. It was right to keep him in arm's length. The barely there suggestion of marriage triggered everything she had kept at the back of her mind and pooled all over her. The mention of the ring really did a number on her. Her mother's words that angered her then, came back to haunt her. However, she developed the habit of setting aside outside influences from her decisions over the years. So if Audrey were to screw up, she has an accusatory finger right to her face.

Audrey clears her throat. Inhaling a long breath, she urged herself to stand. She took a hot shower, hoping the water would take all her thoughts with it down the drain. The steam clouded her in. Although the water was searing her skin, the chill in the pit of her stomach was still terrorizing her insides. It didn't tender the steel on her back either.

She stepped out of the shower, rummaged the luggage Kylie has packed her essentials in. She's been resurrecting some of her clothes from her old closet and with her baby bump it was harder to fit into them. She put on a maxi dress and twists her hair into a bun. She was almost herself. Almost.

Audrey draws the curtains, wincing when the sun glowered at her. God, she used to wake up in the crack of dawn. And now she's waking up in the middle of the day. She sits on the edge of the bed, regarding her phone she usually takes even in the bathroom just in case a business call comes in.

However, it becomes less of her worries. One, because Kylie is taking her responsibilities so well. Two, she trusts her. Three, she's more tempted to call Vren. Mostly, it was just number three.

She shuffled toward the bedside table, hands hovering over the phone. She lost track how many times she scrolled down her contacts and then setting it down with a thud. Because she almost wanted to call.

The doorbell rings which rarely happens these days. She went out of the guest room, glancing at the door of her parents' bedroom. She goes down the stairs, her heart racing as she wondered who might be ringing the doorbell.

Her shoulders dropped an inch when she opens the door.

"You were expecting someone else." It was more like a statement than a question.

She leaned against the doorframe, grasping for a casual response.

"It's okay. I'm the one who came ringing your doorbell." Mark Sinclair smiled apologetically. "I just want to check on you," he pauses, "and your mom."

She sighed. "She's doing okay."

"And you?"

Barely okay. "I'm fine."

He nods. "That's good."

For an awkward two minutes or so, they just stood there. Audrey doesn't bother to try to do something about it. She was simply too sad.

"Audrey, I really want to talk to you."

Audrey decidedly gestured to the porch swing. It was about time to have that long awaited talk where no resentment is tossed at one another. They are both level-headed.

Mark sits next to her, shifting a little so he's facing her.

She was staring down her toes. "What do you want to talk about?"

"First, I would like to apologize. You know, for everything," he says wryly.

She raises her eyebrow at him. "Okay. Moving on," she pressed on.

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes. I can't be holding a grudge for so long. They say it makes you fat," she quips.

Mark chuckled. "Okay. Let me just say, I'm relieved to hear that."

"I've figured I was in pain, but I forgot that you were too. I forgot about that part until I saw you days ago." She smiles.

His eyes grow tender. "Yeah, but you're the one who were in greater pain."

"Don't worry about it. They're in the past anyway." She shrugs. For the first time, she really meant it.

Mark's face turn somber, a sad smile forming across his face. "Listen, Audrey, you were right. I'm the world's biggest jerk for hurting you. For breaking my promise. I mean, I should've known better."

"It's not you. Don't beat yourself for something inevitable. A person doesn't have to hate the other to hurt him. Besides, the reason people gets hurt is because they care for the other person. It's part of the bargain, I guess. Otherwise how will you be in pain when you don't even care enough that you were hurt?"

"Damn. I messed up so bad."

"Like I said, it's all in the past."

Mark shakes his head, laughing. "Only you can sound so casual about a past relationship that didn't end well."

"We're ending it well now, aren't we?" She shove the corners of her mouth upward even when they protested. She didn't feel like smiling.

"Yes, we are. I just want to tell you that you're an exceptional woman only a lucky man could have by his side. There wasn't a day that I didn't regret not fighting for you. I just hope Vren doesn't make the same mistake."

Her smiled slipped.

"Damn." His hands scratched the back of his neck. "Here I thought I might still have a shot."

"You deserve better."

Mark looked down to his shoes. "Well, I sort of had the best. It's pretty hard to surpass that."

"Now you're just messing with me." She chuckles.

He stared at her.

She stared back.

His gaze was more in the nostalgic variety and hers was merely waiting for the match to end. Sure enough, Mark was the one to give in. His lips curved into a sad smile. "I would really miss you, Audrey."

"Me too." She returns the smile, a prickle buried deep in her chest plucking out.

Mark reaches a hand to her face. His thumb graze the outline of her bottom lip, eyes scanning the features of her face. His head inched closer and angled upward to plant a kiss on her forehead.

She closes her eyes, accepting the farewell kiss. She's held the anger for years. She thought she could keep it under the ground. Turns out, it was better let out than buried. 

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