Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter II

My mentors sit on the couch in the living room. They don't jump up and congratulate me, they give me weak smiles and Mariann motions me to sit beside her. Nobody wants to talk, so we just turn on the TV and watch some ridiculous show about models. Dinner is served and I eat a few bites of chicken and rice, but more I can't get down. And after I am exhausted. The basic chit-chat at the table is enough to completely drain me and I excuse myself around 8 pm and flee into my room.

A pyjama set has been laid out on the bed and I welcome the soft and warm feeling. But the second I am tucked in and close my eyes I open them again. I am scared of the oncoming blackness, afraid I would be trapped within myself again, so I sit up and push the button that sends in an Avox. The same girl as earlier enters the room and I ask her if she could get me a book, any book, so I could pass the time until I fall asleep.

She brings me a copy of a story called 'A Study in Pink' and I read through half of it until I realize that it doesn't use much.

The story is great, but I couldn't sleep. And when I turn the small light off to get at least some rest my heart rate speeds up. The darkness surrounding me is pressing on my chest, closing in and I abruptly stand up, leaving the room to escape that feeling. I need air, something without a roof, without walls, somewhere where the darkness wouldn't close in. Hurrying to the elevator I study the buttons and press the R above the button for floor 12, hoping it would bring me to the roof. Bring me to fresh air. To a semblance of freedom.

I exit into a short hallway, push the door at the end open, and let out a breath of relief when I indeed find myself on the rooftop terrace.

Wandering around I find a small whirlpool, a garden, and at the side of the door a small ladder, leading up a little higher. I climb up cautiously, not wanting to slip or fall, but almost do when I see a person sitting atop the small platform. The last second a hand reaches out and catches me.

"I didn't mean to startle you. Sorry", the man I now recognize as Finnick Odair apologizes.

"I, uh, sorry. I didn't know anybody would be up here. I should leave", I mumble.

It's not that I would have a problem with a person sitting next to me in silence or even talking a little, but I had killed both of the District 4 tributes. Children Finnick Odiar mentored, children he knew.

"It's fine. Stay", Finnick says in a calm voice and I stand there, eyeing him wearily.

"I am Finnick", he introduces.

I am torn between staying and leaving and stand atop the platform, still irresolute.

"I know who you are. I just...I am so sorry", I mutter and Finnick seems shortly confused, probably because I just apologized again, but then a look of realization crosses his features.

"You did what all of us had to do. I am not going to hate you because of it", he explains and I take a seat next to him. There is a long, but not uncomfortable silence between us until Finnick speaks up again.

"How old are you again?", he questions.

"Seventeen. You are about 21 now, right? How is a victor's life? Is it better?"

"Yes. If you go by the material things it is a good life, but sometimes I feel like I would have rather died in that arena"

I look at him surprised. "It never gets better? I can barely close my eyes. And, I mean yours are...seven years back.", I admit.

Finnick gives me a sympathetic look. "I understand. And I am sorry to tell you that it doesn't get better. Not that part. Maybe a little. I guess you just get used to it. But you are strong. See you Talisa", he gets up and climbs down the ladder.

"See you", I mumble, slightly confused, but then lean back against the metal pole in the middle of the platform, and slowly, but surely my eyes drift close.

I am woken by sunlight and a breeze and am surprised that I actually got some sleep, even though the only thing I saw was white and I felt cold. Maybe Finnick was right, maybe I can get through it.

I stretch and decide to watch the sunrise, the warm colours being a contrast to the ones I have in my mind. In the arena the sun was cold, reflecting off the snow. The sunrises and sunsets were short and nothing to enjoy because either it would get dark and freezing cold or it would get light, one's eyes would sting, and even though we all wore white coats, we could be spotted way too easily. The bare trees didn't provide much cover either. So running into other tributes was unavoidable. I sigh.

Then I climb down the ladder and move towards the elevator.