Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter 22

He does not wake me up, the sun does. Hot and stinging in my eyes. Except for Katniss everyone is awake and to be honest, nobody really knows what to do with themselves. I draw small pictures in the sand when two parachutes settle in the sand. One with bread and one small one. A simple notebook and a pencil with a plastic bag that can be sealed. I smile as I grab the gift that is obviously meant for me. It must have been Penelope's idea, that I am sure of. How she got Mariann to send it to me is another story, but I am happy to have it. And while I munch on the bread I begin to sketch. The monkeys, the cornucopia, Katniss and Peeta who are now swimming in the water. Then their voices ring out, calling Finnick and me into the water, telling us how to become pretty again. Our skin is pink after we wash and scrub off the scabs. We still have enough ointment left and cover us again, protecting our skin from the sun.

Beetee then calls us all together, telling us how our next target is the Career Pack. It still consists of four people which is why he wants to build a trap. I do not like the idea he proposes because it means all of them die. Gloss will die. And it means we fry the ocean and all its living things. But Katniss agrees, which means that Peeta does too. A little reluctant Johanna agrees as well. Finnick looks at me. "I..", I mumble and think. If I want to get Finnick out of here Gloss will have to be dead in the end. And better a quick death and not at my hands.

"Okay. Let's try it."

Finnick then agrees too and the plan stands. We will fry them on the beach and then...that is the question. I am sure that Katniss will want to leave after the careers are dead. But I saved her life and Finnick saved Peetas. She owes us. To be honest I don't want to kill her nor Peeta. Until now I got away with only injuring people, but I guess that after tonight that will have to change.

We gather our things and start moving towards the lightning tree. Peeta and Finnick carry Beetee up the slope while Katniss and I walk in the back, Johanna marches in front.

We exchange a few looks, I know that we both think the same thing. If the other is going to shoot first if it comes down to it. After some time Katniss takes the lead, because she can hear the forcefield.

Once we arrive Katniss checks for force fields and Beetee examines the tree. We decide on two guards, me and Finnick, while Katniss hunts, Peeta collects nuts and Johanna taps water.

We eat sloth and nuts, drink water from woven bowls and talk until there are clicking sounds from the next sector.

We decide on beetles, probably flesh-eating ones and return to our beach, where we once again receive bread. But this time some sauce too which makes the seafood even better.

While the others toss the food we don't eat into the water, I pack some unopened shells and part of my fish into a big leaf, folding it up and leaving it at the edge of the jungle, a small 9 edged into the leaf.

After that we have nothing to do, so Finnick and I walk away from the others, a few steps onto the sandy strip that connects the land to the cornucopia and sit down there, feet dangling in the water.

"You know what will happen if this plan works right?", I ask, breaking the silence and he only nods.

"We need to leave, right after the canons."
He nods again.

"I don't want to kill them. I don't want to kill Gloss. Kill the teens, Beetee. I don't want to become that monster again."

He takes my chin between his fingers, turning it to face him.

"You have never been a monster, do you hear me", he insists.

"I killed 11 children."
"To survive. That is not murder, that doesn't make you a monster. These wolves were monsters, the gamemakers were. But not you", he says, his thumb brushing over my tattoo.

"Maybe we don't have to kill anyone", he mumbles.

"We both know that that is not true. In the end, somebody will be there to try and stop us. And as I said so many times before, I plan on getting you out of here.  And yes, I know, these things aren't really compatible, but...you deserve a good life."
"And you don't?", he scoffs.

"I had you. And then I will see my mother, my grandparents again. If I deserve my spot beside them in the afterlife."

"Love..."

I stop him. Stop him from telling me how I deserve a good life, how I should get out of here, how I am not a monster. And I stop him by kissing him. Not the best approach to solving problems, I know.

But he kisses back with an urgency that I am not used to from him. I move my legs out of the water and put them on either side of his body as my hands tangle in his hair. He pulls me closer, his arms encircling me like so many times before.

We pull apart, staring at each other. I kiss him again and then rest my head on his shoulder. He is tracing the tattoo on my back.

"You know, when we first met, you almost fell off the platform. I...I was so entranced by you. And then when you smiled at me for the first time, I was a goner. And then every day we spend together. All I could think about was what I could do to make you happy. To make you forget everything else."

I smile.

"I don't even know when it started. I didn't really know at first. But I always felt at ease with you, I was happier, I smiled more. And so did you. I was sure when we were out and in the art gallery. You looked at me with such adoration in your eyes and were patient and listened to me talk about the paintings for hours. And we ate at that restaurant then. The seafood. And you couldn't use the chopsticks. That is when I knew. I didn't want to admit it at first, but I am so happy it happened. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You made me so happy. And for that I love you."

My hands were trembling now. We never really talked about it and now we did. When we will ultimately lose the other.

He places a soft kiss on my lips.

"Come on, shortcake. The others are waiting."

I blush when I see the others look at us, Johanna and Peeta smiling, Beetee a little sheepish and then there is Katniss. She looks sad and as if she is regretting something.

We walk back hand in hand, picking up our weapons on the way.