Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter XI

I watch as we travel through the night, faintly seeing lights in the distance from time to time. The sun rises and I try to remember the moment, to draw it later, because the forest with the mountains in the distance looks pretty. I wonder how such a terrible country can be so beautiful. The forest we drive through are similar to the ones I drew last night, somewhat mystical and dark, because fog is hanging in the air and does not disappear once the sun is risen.

Sooner than I wanted I was called to breakfast. Unwillingly I poke around in my food, but urge myself to eat, just like every other day. Some bread rolls, hot chocolate, cereal that is produced in my Districts factories, scrambled egg and ham. Then I flee back to the end of the train, where I start smiling because some papers and charcoals are lying on the table. I once again start drawing. Penelope, Junipers parents and some of the birds that I saw flying around in my garden, as something to contrast the dark memories that thinking about Juniper cause.

I am taken to lunch which consists of a soup and garlic bread, which lightens my mood. But when the prep team announces that it is time to get ready all the garlic bread in this country couldn't make me smile, because it means that we are getting closer and that I have to see the parents of the boy I killed.

My hair is straightened and falls over my shoulders, the make up dark with purple lipstick. The dress is black and off the shoulders with some cleavage showing because there is a v-cut in the front. The skirt is made from a heavy fabric and is short in the front, but long in the back. I am wearing the same matte pumps and Keaton hands me a black fur.

When we stop at the train-station, snow is covering the ground and for a few seconds I freeze once the doors open, shying away from stepping onto the white ground, but Haymitch, District 12s only victor saves me from embarrassment.

"Welcome to beautiful District 12, dearie. May the odds stay ever in your favour", he laughs, grabs my hand and pulls me towards the car, my mentors hurrying behind us.

Mariann hands me the cards I am supposed to read.

Haymitch passed out, his head leaning against the window. I chuckle.

"There is nothing funny about his behaviour!", Silas scolds me.

"Of course it is funny. He is drunk all the time and what he says what his confused mind thinks", I retort and then silently memorize the cards.

It's the same procedure. Waiting behind the doors, being announced and the doors being opened. I step onto the stage.

"Hello District 12. I feel very honored to be here tonight. All the tributes fought bravely, and I feel sorry for your loss. But your children died while serving their nation, they made a big sacrifice that will be honored. By me and by Panem. All of us are united in a purpose and I am proud to have fulfilled mine. I hope all of you can find happiness in fulfilling yours." I let my gaze wander through the crowd, most of the people look simply bored, in the best case not interested, but one boy glares daggers at me. He has to be around 16, maybe 17, at least he looks like it. He has short brown hair and grey eyes, as many people here did and a bit of stubble surrounding his chin. "I also hope that these tributes families can heal and...", I hesitate as the boys look seems to burn through me and for a short moment I look directly at him, "and know that I am very sorry, that they did their best and you can be proud. They deserved a better life than what they were given and certainly didn't deserve to be slaughtered for entertainment."

I finish with a look towards Etans family before abruptly leaving the stage, ignoring the dark red flowers they try to hand me and walk inside the building, almost collapsing onto the ground. Silas and Marian storm towards me. "What on earth were you thinking?! You can be happy if this doesn't have any consequences, young lady!", Silas yells at me. "Sadly Silas is alright. You can't act like you are sorry. You can't act as if you are unhappy. It will have consequences", Marian explains.

"But it isn't an act! This is an act! Being happy and grateful is the act! And you should know that! Or can you sleep peacefully at night, without seeing their faces?!", I yell back, throwing my hands into the air.

"I like this one", I hear Haymitchs' voice again.

"See, he isn't acting! He gets drunk off his ass every day and nobody complains about it!", I exclaim.

"Sweetheart, I understand you, but you better listen to your mentors. You need to play the game", he says and I glare at him and am about to answer when the major and his daughter walk in. We eat and Madge, that is the Mayor's daughter's name, is actually really nice and reminds me a lot of Lucida.