Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter 14

I storm off. Slamming my door behind me. I unbraid my hair and take the crown off my head, smashing it against the next wall, the precious gems forming red shards on the floor, reminding me of droplets of blood. Then I struggle out of the dress and step into the shower, one last time washing off my make-up.

Inside my room is Penelope, waiting with a book and hot chocolate which she puts down to hug me. I pull her close and rest my chin on her head.

"It was nice having you in my life Penelope", I murmur and she holds me at arms length, then pulls out her notepad.

This is not goodbye!

I nod. "It is. Please take care of yourself."

She looks so sad but nods.

Only if you take care of yourself too.

I smile.

"Look at that, you've made me cry", I chuckle and pull her close once more as I cry again. Of course, the interviews changed things. They made the Capitol people question the games and made them see the pain connected with it. Which means that Snow is cornered. And animals in a corner usually lash out.

Penelope helps me to bed and hands me the steaming cup.

"Thank you for your kindness, Penelope. I will never forget it."

She smiles and then closes the door behind her.

Something about it feels final. I will say a quick goodbye to Mariann in the morning and hand her the letters I wrote. Including the one, I wrote to her. Because if I took more time saying goodbye, I would cry again and I don't want to do that. I have done that enough. I need to be prepared for tomorrow. I need to be prepared to kill. Even if that is the last thing I want to do. But the other will kill. They will try to kill me, kill Finnick, kill Johanna. And most of all I am quite sure that they want to kill the lovers from 12. And I made a deal with Haymitch and promised Peeta.

I toss and turn that night, getting sleep and then waking up. Repeating that circle over and over again. Around 3 am I get up and walk to the elevator, but it is guarded by a peacekeeper.

"Just great", I mumble and walk back into the confinements of my room, which seems to get smaller by the minute. But I need to sleep in order to function properly tomorrow. So I curl up in the sheets and close my eyes.

I wake up only a few minutes before Keaton knocks on my room to take me to the landing platform for the hovercraft. Mariann stands in the hallway, tears in her eyes. It must seem weird, me in my green pajamas going to be sent into the arena. I hug her and press the letters to her chest.

"For you", I say and then follow Keaton, into the elevator, in a car, up another elevator. Then the hovercraft with that stupid electric current that freezes you arrives. My tracker is placed on my arm and an envelope in my hand. I sit down in the metal chairs of the hovercraft and open the envelope.

Think of my offer, Miss Moreno. I am sure you'll be able to communicate once you have decided. - President Coriolanus Snow

I eat with Keaton. We don't speak until we enter the Launch Room. I undress and Keaton hands me a simple pair of black undergarments. It is a boxer shorts and a sports bra, tight and from a weird material.

"It has neoprene material in it. I would expect water", Keaton tells me and then holds out a blue, sheer material. I sigh.

"Great. Just great. I just love sheer stuff"

Keaton helps me into the tight-fitting suit that is zipped up in the front with a big black plastic zipper. The outfit is completed with an ugly purple belt and shoes made from the same material as the underwear with a thick rubber sole.

"Classy", I try to joke but by now I am wringing my hands.

"The suit won't help against heat or cold, but with the neoprene, I would say it is a warmer environment. Talisa, I hope you know that we are all so very sad that you might...you know, lose your life."

"Get murdered you mean? Yes of course, but the first time around everything was fine."
"I..that was different."

"Yes, I was three years younger. But I don't want to fight now, I am going to have to do that enough in 5 minutes."
"Okay. I wish you all the luck in the world."

4 minutes trickle by and I start pacing up and down. I forgot that terrible feeling in my gut. It is like an all-consuming fear, just that this time I am not afraid, not really. It is more like dread. And it is getting worse by the second.

"60 seconds to launch"

Breathing in, holding the breath, breathing out, repeat.

I tug the necklace underneath the turtlenecked jumpsuit, the ring pressing against my sternum.

"20 seconds to launch"

Keaton hugs me and I step towards the pedestal. Step by step until I stand before it. My hands curl and uncurl. Then I step up onto the plate and the glass cylinder slides down, locking me inside. But the plate doesn't move.

"What is going on?", I question but Keaton doesn't say anything. So I wait. I calm myself and try to prepare as best as I can. To be honest I think that one is never really prepared. Not as a Career, not as a victor.