Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter XXXIX

I hear beeping, jumbled up voices, fading in and fading out. I feel pain and I feel nothing, I see nothing and see all the colours. Then there is white and high pitched noise, then blackness again. I see the blonde angel, the blonde angel with green tattoos, sea-green eyes and grey eyes piercing mine, both belong to men.

Then there is pain, and white. For a moment I think I am dead, maybe I even hope so, but then the smell of roses fills my nostrils, mixed with the distinctive smell of blood. Probably mine. Then I hear his voice. Cold and menacing.

"Miss Moreno. A pleasure to see you again."

I move my head to the side, towards his voice, my blood running cold.

"So I am not dead, but in hell none the less", I say, my voice raw and rough.

"What else did you expect my dear? That I would let the Capitols goddess, your new title, die? A little overbearing -goddess- don't you think?"

"If you don't like it, prohibit it. It's your dictatorship", I say.

"Yes, well, people can't know that can they?"
"They already do", I hiss and the president smiles.

"Well, the people that know are easily controlled. You should know that better than anyone. I can make you kill, I can make you bring others pleasure and I can do everything I want. And it is that easy. It won't take long to break you."

"That is where you are wrong. But get to the point and leave your speeches for your useless council. What do you want?"

"Oh, I want nothing from you. But you killed one of my favoured men, so I will have to punish you."

"He would have killed me. Almost did as it seems. And you wouldn't want to lose your favourite pet, would you?"

He grins and it is even more creepy than his cold, stoic face.

"Ah yes. Which is why I won't kill you. But killed somebody else. Well not me exactly, killing is more your expertise, don't you agree?"

I sit up, my head protesting, but I ignore it, having my eyes on the same level as the president, burning into them.

"Who?"

"You made it quite hard to find somebody to kill. Of course, I cannot touch your victor friends or their children for that matter. But your darling friend...you pushed her out of your life a while ago, but that just proved that you care for her. Of course, I couldn't kill her without reason, since she does belong to a more wealthy family, but accusing her of treason did the job."

My face falls and then I lunge at him, knocking him over in his chair and plummeting to the ground with him while clawing at his throat.

I then feel a stab in my neck and the world is spinning.

"That action would be treason as well my dear. Don't give me more reasons to kill off my favourite pet", he threatens and his face is the last I see before the world explodes into colours.

~~*~~

The next time I wake up I see Finnick and Johannas faces.

"Hey little T", my best friend smiles and I try my best to smile back, but it doesn't work.

"Hey guys."

"What happened?!", Finnick asks me.

"Guy was into knives, I wasn't, he tried to kill me so I killed him, causing Snow to kill Lucida. That is what happened."

Their smiles drop and I see that look on their face. Pity.

"I don't need your pity, okay?!", I spit out and sit up, grabbing the clothes placed on the chair in which Snow sat and pull on the soft brown skirt and the cream pullover, then leave the room. No pain shooting up my leg since the wound now is barely a scratch.

They follow behind me and catch up at the elevator.

"Talisa! It's just...we are so sorry."

"Everybody keeps saying that! God, just leave me alone, okay?"

"Talisa, please, take a deep breath", Finnick tries to soothe me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me! Jeez, you should know better. And I should have known better. I should have let him kill me...", I call out and enter the elevator.

Johanna stays where she is, only Finnick following behind.

We descend.

"Talisa, listen, I know this is hard for you, but remember I love you. We can get through this together, okay?"

I laugh.

"Our love isn't the cure to everything. Love cannot bring Lucida back. Love cannot stop the selling of my body. Love cannot stop the games. You can't, I can't!", I exclaim, my voice trembling with anger.

"But it can help, Talisa. You know that."

"I know that if Snow finds out he'll punish us, he will kill people we love. Annie isn't a victor, she is your sister, he will kill her. Is that worth it?! Is our love, that brings nothing but danger to our loved ones, to us, really worth it?"

Finnick grimaces.

"So what? You want to end things just as they start?", he questions.

"Bad things started to happen as soon as it started."

"So you are leaving me because you are scared?!", Finnick exclaims.

"Yes! I am terrified! And maybe you don't understand what I feel right now, but I lost everything that I had before my games! Everything that connected me to my normal life. Where I wasn't a killer, where I wasn't a prostitute at presidents orders. So yes! I am scared. I am scared of losing you, or of having you lose somebody you love because it will break you, just as it broke me. And you will hate yourself for it, you will hate me for it. And I rather have you only hate me, than be grieving and hate yourself."

"I...I can't let you go that easily, I won't."

"You will have to", I whisper, a tear escaping me, just as the doors finally open and I storm out.

"Talisa!"