Empyrean Iris Story Collection

Disease

Report ID 2241569

Author Krill

Disease

Can we talk for a moment about just how disgusting humans are? And I don't mean psychologically this time..... I mean like physically. And physically disgusting in a terrifying sort of way. By now we know that humans are excessive in every way possible, and that includes their diseases; the way I see it, there are two types of disease: the kind that start on the inside based on an internal malfunction, or the stuff that comes in from the outside and causes an internal malfunction. Since I will mainly be focusing on these outside diseases, we will be looking at mainly viruses and bacteria.

1. The common cold, this is the human trademark super virus. It is, in fact, so common, that most humans ignore it as a part of life. Most of the time, it won't even stop them from going to work. 'But Krill' you may ask 'what is so wrong about that? It doesn't seem so bad' well I'll tell you why.

a. Symptoms include dribbling from every orifice like some kind of slimy ooze creature from your worst nightmares.

b. Coughing, a symptom caused by throat irritation that leads to the spread of the virus by spewing it into the air like a diseased aerosol canister.

c. And if that wasn't enough, sneezing irritates the nasal cavity turning the human body into a disease cannon shooting nasty into the air at around 80-200 mph.

d. The most terrifying part about this? The humans consider it a normal occurrence, and in many places, they will walk into public like that to spread their germs to everyone, and no one cares. Accept maybe in Asian countries, where the humans will wear masks to protect others, or themselves from getting sick, but of course, being lucky me, we are in a western country where no one gives one shit about anyone else catching their nasty.

2. Oh, can we also talk about the human's yearly epidemic? Yes you heard me correctly, the humans have a yearly epidemic. In fact, it is so regular and so predictable, that the humans have dubbed this viral epidemic "flu season". Because like fall, winter, and summer the humans have a time of year where they can just go right ahead and die. Who the F*** has a SEASON for epidemics!

a. Symptoms include all previously mentioned 'common cold" but like times 10

b. Body aches, because nothing says F*** you like a disease that makes your entire body hurt for no damn reason.

c. This pain notably includes the head.

d. And like all infections, the human body has one sure fire way to get rid of it. How you ask? Well the human body makes the executive decision to make itself the most inhospitable enviornment possible. How? By turning up the natural body temperature of the human to BURN the virus away

i. This would be fine and all if it weren't for one little problem. The human natural body temperature is 98.6, but starting at about 105 degrees the human body stars burning its own brain and may potentially cause irreversible damage

e. Other symptoms include gastrointestinal problems (see section 3)

f. DEATH very probably death, in fact, some years the death toll rises to around 80,000.

g. And does this stop the humans from going about their daily business? NO, NO IT DOES NOT!

3. I know my last two inclusions on this list have been mostly respiratory in nature, but lucky for you, I have a fun little tidbit about gastrointestinal diseases. What is it called? You guessed it. The stomach flu or viral gastroenteritis, or an infection of the GI tract. I would honestly rather die of the respiratory flu that have to deal with this mess.