Empyrean Iris Story Collection

Jokes on You

Krill emerged from his restful trance to the sound of cursing. Violent, aggressive cursing followed by the sound of ruckus laughter. He had been floating absently down the hallways of the ship suspended in his restful trance allowing the natural air currents of the ship to carry him from one end to the other. He was close to the crew's sleeping quarters.

With a quick hiss, he released the hydrogen from its sack finally making contact with the cold metal floor to scuttle off down the hallway.

He made it to the crew's quarters just in time to see Petty Officer Ramirez stumbling from bed face and right hand covered in shaving cream. The additional crew sleeping in the room sat on their beds giggling and jeering as the man cursed and stumbled towards the bathroom.

Towards the door Airman Young called, "APRIL FOOLS!"

The entire room went suddenly quiet. Expressions of amused laughter narrowed to deep expressions of distrust and paranoia. A few of the crewmen began glancing under their beds. One of the men even turned over his boot and shook it onto the floor as if he expected to find something there.

Krill didn't like the look of that, and he didn't like the sound of that either. He knew what a fool was, but he had no idea what an April was. It didn't translate, so he couldn't be sure what was going on. Not wanting any part in this, rill moved on down the hallway just in time to hear screaming from the female quarters of the ship.

Female humans were more likely to use sonic attacks than their male counterparts, plus they were better at it, though this one sounded more like a warning call than an attack, so he hurried over peering in to find Chief Warrant Officer McKay standing in a shower of glitter hands held out to her sides. Her uniform was absolutely covered in the tiny shimmering flakes all of which seemed to have fallen from her cap which she now removed in a glittery waterfall of horror.

"I am NEVER going to be able to get rid of this.... You A**holes." Though she seemed livid, the anger on her face quickly melted away, and she began racing around the room rolling on the other women's' beds and hugging anyone she could make contact with. The screaming and laughing must have echoed down the hallway to the men's quarters, and now they were cautiously peering out from their rooms testing the ground before them with tentative steps.

One of the men peered in at the glittery carnage and laughed in delight, "Glitter bomb." He looked down at krill, "Better hunker in in prepare for war, this is going to get ugly."

Krill stared up at the crewman in confusion, "Why?"

"Why my fine quadruped today is April fools, the day we humans use as an excuse to play mean jokes on each other and laugh."

That was not exactly a good explanation for Krill, but the humans had already moved on before he could ask further questions, but he watched as the crew slowly moved up the corridor and towards the captain's quarters. Trying the door handle, they found it to be locked.

The captain's voice rose up on the other side of the door, "Not this year. No one waking me up with a chainsaw this year. That is not how this day begins."

The crew looed slightly miffed, but shrugged it off.

On the sly, Krill thought he caught one of the crewwomen grinning evilly behind someone's back.

A sudden loud clatter from the captain's quarters heralded another string of cursing and a couple of loud thumping noises. The door hissed open and the captain stumbled against the frame, "Which one of you took the time to make a PERFECT replica of my leg with FOAM and then swamp if for my real one..... Who the hell does that!" In his other hand, he brandished a crumbled looking bionic leg. While the undamaged parts looked impressively like the real thing, the breaks clearly showed its truth. "This is!... Amazing actually really talented, but also its MEAN it steal from the crippled."