Chosen (Damiano David & Victoria DeAngelis)

Chapter 44

For a while, they were walking quietly because she had no idea how to start the conversation they were about to have. She had no idea how he would react to questions about the abuse and his relationship with Carla but she knew it was unavoidable. "Angel...I- well...we need to talk about...you know...the things that happened to you...", instantly she felt him tense up, though his voice sounded calm and collected: "I would rather not..." She gently squeezed his hand to show him it was alright: "I know. But we can't keep on ignoring it. You're doing really really great but we can't just pretend like you aren't depressed and traumatized. There's nothing wrong with admitting that and it's nothing to be ashamed of but if we want to make you feel better eventually, we will have to talk about stuff. Bottling things up is never good." He took out a cigarette, lighting it. Probably to help him keep calm: "I know that. But I don't want to talk about it." She knew him so well by now, she could see that that wasn't the whole truth: "You don't want to or you don't know if you can?" He looked away, making it quite obvious that she had guessed right: "I don't know...both, I guess. It's not...it's not a comfortable topic to talk about..."

She nodded sitting down by a bridge, letting her legs dangle down so they could talk a bit more comfortably, though she didn't let go of his hand. "Be honest...does it scare you?" She decided to take everything about the talking very slowly...she didn't need to know every detail for now. He nodded, throwing away his cigarette: "Yeah...I guess so..." She nodded, a soft smile on her lips as a sign that everything was okay: "What about it scares you? It's okay...you can tell me." He seemed reluctant, holding on to her hand a bit more while nervously turning his head away. "I don't know...everything...saying it out loud makes it real. As long as I keep it to myself, I can pretend like it's just in my imagination." She knew what he meant...she understood him: "I get that...but look at it from another side: By saying it out loud, you take her power away a bit...and you can share your pain with someone else. It may hurt to talk about it at first but eventually you will see that it takes some pressure away from you. It doesn't make you weak...I know you have doubts about that but I promise you, no matter what people are saying, it is important to speak up about those things...even for men...hell, especially for men because you guys get overlooked easily in that aspect. It doesn't make you less of a man or some bullshit like that...if anything, it makes you stronger."

After that, there was silence for a long time. She didn't try to push him...if he was ready, he would speak...if not, that would be alright too. Of course, it had to happen at some point but she was very well aware of the fact that this was a hard thing to talk about, so it would be alright if it took him a little longer to open up. "That night, when you found out...why did you stay with me? Why didn't you leave?" She was taken aback by that question but she turned to look at him. He was still looking down at his lap. With her free hand, she gently grabbed his chin and made him look at her, seeing the bright white full moon reflect in his goldish - brown eyes. "What do you mean? You were hurt and I care about you. I would've never left you.", she was still confused about that. "But...didn't you find me disgusting? Carla always said that if anyone ever saw me...you know...like that...everyone would be disgusted. You know...because guys aren't supposed to cry...but I always seem to fail terribly at that.", his voice sounded sad, though he wasn't crying. She shook her head, letting go of his hand to hug him. She just had a feeling that that was appropriate at that point. And it clearly was because he instantly seemed a bit more relaxed. "No. No, I wasn't disgusted. I mean...I'm gonna be honest here, it wasn't nice to see...but that had nothing to do with you. I never thought that YOU were disgusting. Seeing what she had done to you made me sick and it wasn't easy to handle but she was the disgusting one...not you. And about the crying...that's complete bullshit. I've said it already and I'm gonna repeat it as often as I have to in order to make it clear for every human being on this planet: It does not matter if you are a guy or any other gender. If you get hurt, physically, emotionally or sexually...even if you are just sad, you are allowed to cry. And the fact that you do cry a bit more often than others does not make it any less understandable. If I had been through the same thing as you, I probably wouldn't be able to stop crying ever again. My point is: It's important that you let those emotions out...and it's important for you to have someone who can support you while you're going through it.", she didn't know where all those words came from as most of the time she still had no idea what she was doing but everything just seemed to come naturally, as if those words had always lived inside of her, just waiting for her to say them out loud. He tightened the hug as if he wanted to show her how much he really appreciated her words: "I am so thankful for having you, I can't even explain it...you saved me...but I really can't ask you to go through this with me together. I'm a mess and you need to live your life...stop wasting your youth on someone who is completely useless anywas." She let her hand travel down his back, feeling his spine while doing so: "I'm not wasting my youth, Damiano. I want to go through all of this with you because I know that you are not useless and I care about you more than I sometimes want to admit. It's true, we have to work on a lot of things but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. We're gonna get through this. You and me...together, no matter how much time it is going to take." His chin was now resting on her shoulder and she wasn't sure but she believed she could feel him placing a light kiss on top of her shirt: "It's not gonna be easy, right?" She shook her head: "No, Angel... healing from something so traumatizing is never easy. But that doesn't make it impossible. First thing we have to make very clear though is: If you feel like crying, cry. If you are scared or anxious, don't hold it back. We've been through a lot already...there is no need to hide anything anymore..." "What about the others? What if they find out?" And then she told him something she had been scared to tell him for a while now: "Ethan...he knows..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey ;)

Sorry, that's probably not the best chapter I've ever written but I hope you still like it :)

What do you think about their conversation? How is he going to react to finding out that Ethan knows some things? And what will happen when they return to the hotel? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

- Thalia