Jin Ling - This is my story!

Yuan's Personal Diary

Before Yuan comes, I wanted to know how he felt recently when he was sulking.

I picked a random page towards the end of the book.

"I and Jingyi were discussing on performance of new batch of disciples that have joined Gusu. Rulan must have seen us from afar and as usual he barged between us holding me from my waist. I always love it when he acts possessive and jealous. On our lunch table I rested my hand on his thigh below the table. I don't know how to tell him but I just wanted to make him know it is only him. However, with my gesture his eyes widened and his ears and cheeks turned pink. I just felt like leaving food which was against rules and dragging him straight to my room to devour him full. On our room placing his hand on my band I tickled him. I just wanted to assure him it's only him who has touched my band, whom I have touched however and wherever I want, who has touched me everywhere - Not only this body but Rulan you have touched my soul."

I was so wrong. I felt so irritated when he tickled. But now I want him to tickle me every other moment. Closing my eyes I whispered "For me as well Yuan, you have touched my soul."

It was almost an hour that Rulan has been out. Before his return I flipped the last page of the book. The ink on the last few pages was washed out. So many sentences were crisscrossed. Placing my hand on each letter I know he was crying while writing this. I closed the book. I dint have the strength in me to read it. I was confused.

Reopening the book I read each line with a heavy heart.

On the left hand side he has drawn my sketch.

"My Rulan. I love you. I have always loved you period. I don't even remember when I became selfish enough to not see that you don't hold any future with me. Every time you moved away from me my heart pained to see you. It yearned only for you. You are so ignorant you never realised when girls stared at you from distance. I always blocked your view so that your eyes are always on me. If I had not been from Gusu then there is a possibility that I would have removed all those eyeballs which stared at you lustily.

If I would have not been so selfish then today you would have lived a happy life with your wife and kids. How would I have ever desired kids when I stayed with one? You made me complete. You are as stubborn as a small kid, you are so innocent that you sometimes don't realise what is happening around you, when you are with me you smile so carefree as if there is no burden on you, your heart is pure without any malice that it holds space for everyone and forgives everyone. You don't burden yourself with guilt or regret rather you express whatever you feel freely. With you I am never bound by any rule. You let me be the way I want, in fact you bring my true self out.

I need to rectify whatever happened. I will ensure Yunmeng get its heir, my Rulan's child.

How beautiful will your kids be? With mini you running all around I couldn't imagine a sight much prettier than this. With your new life you will forget me. I will go far away from your reach so that you can start your new life and live happily. As Zewu-Jun did, he never returned to Gusu I will also never return to Gusu, Yunmeng, Lanlingjin. With your memories I will live a life somewhere in depths of mountains in seclusion".

I heard footsteps coming closer to our room. I stuffed the books inside his closet and shut its door closed. Wiping my tears I steadied myself.

He entered the room. His hair is wet. He must have just taken bath.

Unable to hold my tears I pull him into a tight embrace. "You remember your promise right? No matter what you will never ever leave me alone"

Cupping his cheeks I said "The day you leave me remember my soul will leave this body"

Kissing my lips he said "The day I am not with you I am not alive in this world".

We stayed there in each other embrace for some time. "Yuan, handing over all the responsibilities of Lanlingjin to Wu Xin, I am planning to shift to Yunmeng forever. Will you like to take me as your subordinate there?"

Raising his eyebrows he looked at me. "Your subordinate?"

"You are leader of my heart, i.e. you are leader of sect leader then definitely I am your subordinate"

Punching at center of my chest he said "For me home is here - Your heart"

Jin Ling - "I want you to be like you were always. One who is heart of all sects. I want you to teach disciples in Gusu, I want you to travel and meet Zizhen, Wu Xin and all other sect leaders, I want you to actively participate and advise in discussion conferences, I want you to be with me when I take sect tour, I want to go on night hunt with you, I want you to be happy and live life"

With a smile on his face he looked at me. Moving away from me he lifted his sword Yijun and placed it beside Sihua "For years we will strive to achieve and maintain harmony amongst all sects"

His words were so true. He never did anything for recognition. Back then he had an option to become sect leader. He was the most promising candidate; I would say skilfully he is better than me. But he chose me. His sword never got the recognition that it deserved. It is not only his sword but his entire self lived maintaining harmony between all sects.