Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 15: LOVE ME GOODBYE

yall been hearing about the boys burner tik tok accounts????? imagine if they had wattpad ones..... we'd all be fuckedddd
tw: verbal abuse mention, tiny mention of physical abuse
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I braced myself as I walked up to the entrance of my building. Sam was sitting on the stairs, a cigarette dangling from his lips as he stared at nothing. I made my way up to where he was seated, stopping and sitting down next to him once I got there.

"Hi," I said, keeping my eyes facing forward, just as he did. 

"Hi," he mumbled. We sat there for an eternity, silently pondering what was to be of us until I sighed, finally caving and looking at him. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose tinged pink as he sniffled. I grabbed his cheek, wiping away a lone tear running down his face. He turned to look at me and I could see how truly broken he was, how alone he was.

As bad as I wanted to hate him, I couldn't.

"Tell me what your thinking," I softly demanded, taking my hand away from his face. He swallowed hard and furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me as if to ask 'what do you want to know?' I met his eyes with my apologetic ones, and his features softened.

"I'm thinking about how much I haven't told you. There's a lot you deserve to know, a lot of shit that would explain this mess..... but it all just sounds like an excuse, so I haven't bothered to even try," he breathed in an attempt to hide his emotions.

"You can tell me. I won't say anything, I won't judge you. I'd rather know, okay?" I ensured. He nodded, turning to face me a bit. He took a breath and bit his cheek, anxiety riddling his small frame.

"Sammy, it's just me. I'm not going to judge you."

"I know, I know. It's just hard," he took another breath, giving in. "Okay..... I dated Santana for a year. Within that year, she... hurt me. Not physically, I mean she hit me once or twice, but I guess I mean she manipulated me. She told me she loved me but would only hang around me when she was high, fuck me, smoke my stuff- She would leave for days on end without explanation and then yell at me like I was the one who went ghost even though she would refuse to answer my calls. I figured that buying her clothes and nice dinners would make her stay, and for a while it did, but after a bit, she started using me for sex and drugs again. She used me over and over again, but she was so terrible to me that I let her. I was so scared she'd find a way to cancel me or something, considering how often she threatened it, so I stayed with her."

"God, Sammy, I'm so fucking sorry," I said, exploring the beautiful boy's features. He seemed numb, blocking out the memories that resigned in his mind as he retold me the traumatic events of his past.

"It's okay, you can't change it, and besides which, I'm not asking for your pity. You deserve an explanation," he said, anger border lining his words. 

"So explain it then," I responded, keeping calm.

"I did what she did to me to you. I didn't intend to, but it was my environment for a year. I learned that that was how you treated people, and because I fell for her so hard, it didn't seem to me that maybe she wasn't always right in her ways," he turned to me then, grabbing my hands, "I'm a work in progress, Bella. I'm still trying to figure myself out after Santana. I kicked you out after we had sex because I've grown accustomed to sex without love. I yelled at you all those times because that's how she and I dealt with conflict. I ditched you on our date because I was scared of what Santana would say if I hadn't gone with her."

I decided then, at that moment, that I was right; Sam was still the boy I used to love, he'd just been tainted by love so many times, beginning with me in the twelfth grade, that he didn't know how to love anymore. His heart still looked for love, but his brain was defending him. 

"Anyway, you don't have to forgive me or even keep me around, but I figured an explanation was long overdue. I'm sorry, Bel," he sniffled, standing up to walk away. 

"Sam, come inside. I'll make us something to eat. We can talk, okay?" I said, confirming that I did still indeed want him in my life. He turned around and softly smiled at me, walking back to the stairs and holding my hand as I stood up.  I hugged him the moment my feet were planted on the ground, holding him as tight as I could so he knew how much I still cared for him.

"Come on," I said, grabbing his hand and nodding towards the doorway. We made our way up the stairs hand in hand and didn't break contact until we made it inside my apartment.

"Frozen pizza?" I asked, looking in my freezer for something to eat after he'd settled into his chair across from me. He nodded, glancing between me and the counter as I put the pizza in the oven.

"Can I ask you something potentially disrespectful?" I asked. He bit his lip and nodded. "If she was so terrible to you, why'd you stick around?" 

"She threatened to do a whole bunch of shit if I ever left her. She told me she'd make shit up and cancel me in the press, she'd leak pictures that she knew I didn't want out there..... she said she'd get my brothers canceled. One time she even said she'd make sure you got fired after I mentioned you," he admitted, "I stayed because she had the ability to do that, with her modeling career and her social media following, people would listen to her, even if it wasn't true."

I stood there a moment, trying to fully grasp the weight of what he'd just said. 

"I'm sorry that happened. I know you don't want my pity, and I don't pity you, but I do want you to know that I'm here if you need me to stand with you. I'll knock the bitch out if I have to," I joked. 

He chuckled, gratefully smiling at me as I turned around to face him.

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you for so long. I didn't want you to think I was some sort of male manipulator or some shit." 

I laughed, walking around the counter to hug him. He accepted me as I leaned over him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 

"I'm here. I'm always here. There's nothing you could do that would ever make me stay away permanently," I whispered, gently kissing his cheek. He leaned into my embrace, pressing his temple to my jaw as we stood there and for once, just felt for the other. No past memories, no emotional baggage, no Santana; merely pure admiration for the other's company.

"Hey," He whispered. 

"Mhm?"

"I love you. You know that, right?" He mumbled.

"I know. It's nice to finally hear it from you, though." 

He chuckled, pulling me onto his lap so I was fully surrounded by him.

"I love you too, Sammy."