Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 17: PLATONICALLY AND FOREVER

 Matilde says Bella and Sam need a ship name..... thoughts? brainstorm some good ones for me and I'll pick my fav
ALSO how would we feel about a Jake fic? I have an idea for one, but only if yall want it
TW: miscarriage, blood, vomit
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I held Lilli's hand in the bathroom when she was unconscious in a puddle of her own vomit. I held her hand in the ambulance and as the doctors rushed her to emerge. I held her hand when they did her ultrasound. I held her hand when they told her she was having triplets, and I held her hand when they told her she'd lost one of them.

Now I sat in the waiting room, her fingers forcefully absent from mine as the doctors sedated her because she was so overwhelmed. Jake was in with Lilli, anxiously tapping his foot as he awaited her wake. Sam, Jake, and Danny were on their way from the house, as they only allowed two people in the ambulance at once, and I was alone.  My heart raced and tears fell silently down my cheeks, mourning the loss of a beautiful baby torn from its home, as well as of any innocence I had left. The vision of a bloodied Lilli haunted me every time I tried to close my eyes, intruding its way into my mind even when my thoughts were completely elsewhere.

I let my eyes shut, though the image of her prevailed to come alive behind my eyelids, I ignored it. It was three in the morning and I needed to sleep. I curled myself into an armchair in the corner of the room, letting myself slip out of consciousness as my head rested on my raised arm. 

"I lost all of them." Lilli cried. "My babies are gone."

I stared at her, shock engulfing my body as I cried, not a thought in my mind but my godchildren. 

"I'm sorry." I sobbed, holding a crying Lilli. She shoved me off of her, anger filing her kind eyes. 

"It's your fault. You weren't there, you're never fucking there when I need you!"

"Lilli, I- I'm sorry. I didn't know you need me." I whimpered, feeling small in her rage.

"You're a horrible friend, Bella."

"Bella?"

"Bella, wake up," Sam whispered, softly shaking me. I sat up, abruptly hugging him as tears rushed down my face. "Hey, hey. You're okay. I've got you." He consoled, holding me close and gently rubbing my back.

"She lost one of the babies, Sammy," I whimpered.

"One of them?" He questioned, pulling away from me but keeping his hands on my arms, his brows slightly furrowed.

"She was having triplets, but she lost one," I explained while trying to regain my breath. He let his eyes close as he sighed, his hand rubbing over his mouth.

"Fuck," He muttered. His eyes were glossy when he finally removed his hand from his face, tears brimming them. "What do we do?" He said, sniffling.

"I dunno. I can't even fathom it really. They were one of our godchildren, and now they're gone,  Sammy." I cried, my body shaking. He pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes, holding me as we both cried.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, "We still have two amazing kids who are coming into this world, and I know they'll remember their sibling no matter what. Lilli and Jake are going to be amazing parents, and we're going to be there for them every step of the way, including now, okay? They're going to be okay."

"Thank you, Sammy." I breathed, pulling him closer to me with my hands around his neck. "You've got to be here with me. I need you, but most importantly; Lilli needs you. Jake needs you. We're a family."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I've me here for you. I'm here for every single one of you." He confirmed. I gently kissed his lips, not thinking as I acted. He kissed me back, but pulled away quicker than I wanted him to, resting his forehead against mine again.

"Not now." He whispered.

"I know," I responded, sighing. I pulled away from him and he helped me to lay in his lap, my head resting on his thigh as he played with my hair. I was eventually lulled to sleep but abruptly woken up 20 minutes later to Sam gently shaking me.

"Hey, Jake is inviting us in to see Lilli," He whispered, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Yeah?" I yawned, slowly sitting up.

"Mhm, she feels okay now. She wants to see you."

I smiled softly, standing up after Sam and grabbing his hand, following him into her room.

"Hey, baby girl," I said quietly as I rushed to Lillis's side.

"Hey babe," she responded through half-shut eyes. I stood there a moment, debating what to say, but my emotions prevailed to crack my calm facade as tears fell from my lashes.

"I'm so sorry, Lilli." I cried, reaching over the hospital bed to hug her.

"Me too," she whimpered. We stayed like that for a moment, suspended in a hug as we both cried, grieving her baby.

"I've still got two babies though, and the doctor says they're most likely going to be identical because of Josh and Jake, so I guess we're carrying on the Kiskza legacy, right?" She sadly chuckled.

"God, I'm not sure if we need another set of Kiszka twins. You two are going to have a lot on your plate," I joked, looking between her and Jake.

"Shut it, Bella. You love us, admit it." Josh said from behind me, walking into the room with one of Lillis's sweaters. The tension grew, all of us aware of the past day's endeavors.

"Sure, something like that," I laughed, trying to make light of the discomfort in the room. Sam tightened his hold on my hand so I looked at him, seeing his face twisted in rage. I knew he was uncomfortable with Josh and me, especially considering he and I weren't even dating so there is nothing he could be mad at me for if I did choose to sleep with someone else. I think he feared I'd sleep with his brother again, though. I'm not sure if it was jealousy or temporary hatred for his brother, but I knew I couldn't have an angry Sam; not now, at least. I leaned into his side and pulled his arm around my shoulder to confirm our non-romantic relationship status; to confirm I still chose him.

It was messy, Sam and me. We both knew what we wanted and that was each other. I'd desired him from the second I saw him at the Gov Ball, but I knew we couldn't date or even have sex. It was too complicated, too scary, and I wanted him in my life, so I had to make a decision; Sam and I were never going to be anything again, no matter how bad we wanted it. I looked around at the people in the room with me; my best friend, the Kiszkas, Danny. They're my people, and if Sam and I fuck up the family we've created, I'll never forgive myself.

No matter how bad I want him, I can't. Platonically and forever each others. No more, no less.