I've Loved These Days: A Billy Joel Fanfic

Chapter 26 - Surprises

••••
Don't get excited
Don't say a word
Nobody noticed
Nothing was heard
It was committed discreetly
It was handled so neatly
And it shouldn't surprise you at all
••••

Tuesday, Aug 15, 1978
Dear Diary,

I can't think straight. I don't even know if I WANT to think straight. I'd prefer not thinking at all right now... Am I overreacting? Am I underreacting? What the absolute hell is happening here?

xoxo,
Kat

****

I paced the floor of the living room replaying the conversation over in my head for what was probably the hundredth time. After leaving our Long Island house I had driven around aimlessly for awhile - angry, hurt, and not knowing quite what to do. When I realized I'd made it all the way to Queens, I decided to just keep going across the bridge into Manhattan, and I ultimately ended up at our apartment on the Upper East Side. Billy hadn't followed me, or if he did, he hadn't found me, and I couldn't decide whether I wished he'd show up or hoped he'd stay away.

I looked out the window at the glow from the streetlights and let out a frustrated sigh. It was far too late to call Sandy, so I was left with only my thoughts to keep me company. The initial shock was wearing off, and my feelings of anger and betrayal were less overwhelming than they had been an hour earlier. Now I was simply trying to sort through everything that had just happened.

I sat down on the couch and my mind flashed back to a lifetime ago, as Billy and I sat on that picnic table in the village green. I remembered listening to his explanation of what had transpired between him and Elizabeth at the party, and how what had actually happened had been so vastly different than what I'd thought. I wondered if this could somehow be another misunderstanding.

I shook my head. No, this wasn't some comedy of errors. This was Billy consciously doing something I had specifically asked him not to do, and worse yet, hiding it from me. Still, I was left feeling like there had to be more to it. I knew deep down that Billy loved me, and I just couldn't understand why he would betray my trust like this.

We've got this huge new house, the apartment in the city, and we're trying to get pregnant.

I'm just trying to make sure that we're taken care of.

I'm just trying to do what's best for us.

It's just money.
It's just talking.
It's for our future.

I listened to Billy's voice replaying in my head. Everything he had said had been about us. I truly wanted to believe that his actions were done out of love, and I wondered if he could have been so blinded by good intentions that he didn't think about how he might hurt me.

Suddenly the phone rang, and I jumped. It had to be Billy. No one else would be calling our apartment at this hour - we hardly ever stayed here anymore.

I decided to just let it ring. I didn't want him to know I was here, and I wasn't going to accomplish anything by talking to him over the phone. I wasn't even sure that I'd believe anything he said right now. I let out a sigh and stood up. The best thing I could do was try and get some sleep, and in the morning I was going to make a trip to the bank to do a little digging.

****

A long, piercing car horn blasted loudly from the street outside followed by the shrill shriek of a police siren. I rolled over and squinted at the clock on the bedside table. It was 7:30 in the morning, and I had tossed and turned ever since crawling into bed a few hours earlier. I'd forgotten just how noisy the city was, and on top of that, the phone had rung several times throughout the night. I crawled out of bed, got dressed, and headed downstairs for a much needed cup of coffee.