If Only

Seventeen

Charlotte Bartlett

I put in the key to my apartment, entering to find Megan on the couch gorging on chips. She looked up to see my face red and puffy "Charlie?"

She got up from the couch taking me into her arms as Dance Moms played in the background. I sank into Megan's arms sobbing with no true explanation but she had some ideas.

"Oh Charlotte" she rubbed my back trying to comfort me but if anything I felt more lost than ever

"I don't know, I don't know what to I- I can't think, I can't breath I"

"You can breath, just breath in through the nose out through the mouth come on deep breaths" I squeezed Megan's hand

"Hey your wedding is on the 21st night of September" Megan's grin spread wide "you can play that one song on your anniversary, if he doesn't find that funny I sure will!" I leaned my head on Megan's shoulder and held her close as she spoke

"Think about it, the day after tomorrow you get to the see baby" she mused "so what you're marrying this man you don't love, you'll have your baby to love" but then my stomach felt sour as a realization came to mind that had been sitting there waiting

"That's the problem" I looked at Megan as I felt the tears "I think I do" but once I spoke a knock came at the door came as I stared at her face which was stunned

I got up off the couch and went to the door opening it a crack to see Jillian shit "Hey Charlotte" she said in an upbeat tone which made me feel like I could pass out but I opened it to reveal myself

I watched as her face changed and her excitement turned to sorrow "Charlotte?" Her voice became a soft whisper and I stepped aside to welcome her in

Jillian stepped into the apartment and looked at me with concern "what's going on" her voice was caring and Megan stood from the couch and Jillian looked over to her

"Oh Hi" Megan said "I'm one of her roommate's and best friends Megan Wright" she walked over and Jillian nodded

"Jillian Crawford, Nate's younger sister" which caused Megan to immediately grimace

"Megan" I warned

"Don't worry, I don't bite and I'm not here to be a helicopter mom. Just came to spend some time with you but, now I'm here for some support" Jillian offered a kind smile and we moved to the couch

"Do you have cold feet, because if you didn't I'd be concerned" she admitted "I mean I couldn't even imagine being in your shoes, your marrying a stranger who happens to be my brother" I nodded honestly

"Look I know he's rough on the outside and cold at times but he has a good heart I promise you Charlotte" she smiled "he never wants to hurt you" she said "I've never heard him talk about a girl the way he has you, my brother rarely shows emotion. But I think you scare the man" Jillian chuckled

"He's just so complicated" I said frustrated "I'm just so afraid that I'll never be loved, my ex was pretty terrible" Jillian looked at me with sorrow, I hated pity

"Nate makes me feel safe and warm but at the same time, he hates me" Jillian shook her head immediately

"My brother does not hate you amore" she smiled "he loves you, but he's never loved anyone before... he doesn't know what love really is" 

"I think I love him" I  let the words slip and before there was any time to react, not really knowing what I was saying. My mind was in a haze, I didn't know what love is

"YOU LOVE HIM" they all looked over to see Grace and Belle with dresses in hand "We got yelled at by a scary man to tell you that the cars out front"

Jillian looked over at the two as they stared at her "Jillian Crawford, Nate's little sister" she stated and they looked at her surprised "I'm not evil" she raised her hands up in the air "I know about the baby also"