If Only

Eighteen

Charlotte Bartlett

I stared at myself in the mirror alone in the bridal suite. The night at the plaza was soothing, surrounded by my sister and best friends. But today I was signing up to be someone I am not. But I couldn't help but stare at the beautiful off the shoulder white gown that was waiting for me to wear. Hanging like a tease on the closet door. It was simple but perfect

It was beautiful in every way. But it all felt so weird for me, I'm marrying a man who didn't love me and never would. My thoughts drifted to how a bride should be joyful on her wedding day or so nervous in a good way. But I felt far from joy, I felt the nerves of fear.

This morning bright and early I was placed, no shoved actually in a car to go to the venue here in Connecticut. It was the fall wedding I had dreamed of when I was just a kid. But it wasn't truly my wedding, I wasn't marrying a man who was mad for me. I had no place in planning it whatsoever, everyone else just took over as I watched.

I was in the back room of some estate that looked more like a castle. Hearing my mother gush to her friends in the background of what a beautiful bride I would make, though I knew my mother would never approve.

"Oh Charlottes just so excited, she tried on her wedding dress every night this week. She just look so beautiful" I basically gagged at her words

A knock on the door came and I looked over to see her "Aunt Lizzy" my voice came out breathlessly in shock as she entered looking at me sitting in the chair not moving an inch

"I'm your getaway car?" She questioned

I wish

" a girl can dream" Lizzy went to the door locking it, I knew it was coming one of the big talks

"One question" I nodded my head as she crossed her legs "why the hell are you getting married and avoiding my calls?" I felt as my eyes glossed as I stared at her

"I-it's an arranged marriage for business but-" she immediately cut me off with concern

"No, Charlotte, no way. Your parents can't sell you off like this to some creep. Nate Crawford is a known ass hole, you cannot marry him!" Her voice was so strict and stern "are you crazy"

I was, no logical person would do this. But there was absolutely no way out. I was already tied to him forever, I felt myself even falling for him and it had barely been anytime at all. Maybe it could work.

"My life is so screwed up, it's always been this way and when I explain further you'll agree" She took my hand squeezing it

"It doesn't have to be this way. Quit and go to the NewYorker Charlie you deserve it, you deserve a happy loving marriage. A home filled with love not coldness" she grazed my face with her hand "you can't do this"

"I have no choice" my eyes welled in tears "I'm pregnant" She was frozen for a moment and like it was in slow motion I watched as Lizzy's eyes widened and mouth dropped

"It's his" I said in a mumble "nobody knows but him, bell, Grace and Megan"

"What?" She said incredulously "Do Amara and Harrison know?" I shook my head slowly

"We met beforehand, slept together and I found out I was pregnant. We hadn't seen each other since until a business meeting" she sighed at me I could hear the disappointment lingering in it

"Then later that day a family dinner happened where I was given a ring to wear and it was slipped on my finger. He didn't know yet, he obviously does now" I fiddled with my nails staring down, I didn't want to see her face anymore