If Only

Twenty Six

Charlotte Crawford

Things wouldn't be so bad if I already didn't know that this evening was already set for disaster.

One Belle is not in attendance

Two I'm thirteen weeks pregnant

Three I'm not 5 weeks pregnant and my parents aren't complete idiots, I got my math skills somewhere

"Put your mind somewhere else" His tone was intimidating and I shot my eyes to him. "Then where else should I put my mind Mr.Crawford huh? At least it's not your parents"

"Oh your right, that's next week" I scoffed

"You know what I meant"

"I don't know what you meant" i basically barked back at him, what was I a fucking dog?

No offense to dogs, I used to have one... then my mother sold him off to the neighbors

"My family isn't perfect-"

"Never said it was, but you grew up with parents who loved you and I didn't. I grew up with parents who wanted no happiness for their children, okay?" He scoffed

"My father hates me, his own son he despises... because I took the one thing he ever loved"

"What you crashed his Bugatti?" I turned to find the amusement in his face but there was none to be found, instead it just looked sad

"I took his wife in the process of my birth" It took a moment to process his words and I awkwardly choked on the air around me

"What?" My voice practically gone as the words come out "but... Celine?"

"Celine is not my biological mother" I could feel the lump in my throat form

"She mentioned the arranged mar-"

"That was after I was born, my father only got to mourn his wife's death for 5 months til he was shoved into a marriage he didn't want, he fell in love with Celine over time"

"He's explained the story to me each time I've caused his disappointment... I took away the love of his life, he found his person. I took her away" his eyes clouded lightly

I'd never seen this man actually tear up

"You did not kill your mother, a complication killed her" the pain was buried in his eyes but he did his best to hide it

"For your father to blame you for such a thing is wrong in every way. Nate, you did not kill your mother. Your mother would've loved you and Celine loves you"

"I was a 5 month old baby that was just tossed into her lap. She says she loves me as much as everyone else, but I know the truth"

"Celine loves you" His words sounded ridiculous "Nate pull over" he moved to the side of the road in the breakdown lane and he turned towards me fully

"Your Celine's son to you know that right, you are her son and there's no other way around that"

"I'm Nina's son, not Celine's.... my father lets me know it anytime I ever think otherwise. My siblings are my siblings, but Celine is not my mother, she's a stand in for the woman I murdered" His face held so much guilt and pain as he spoke of her Nina

Why would he keep this from me

"I know me telling you a thousand times that you didn't murder your mother won't change your mindset that's been built up for years. But you didn't kill her" taking a deep breath I steadied my eyes at his