𝕄𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝔽𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤? [ʙᴏᴏᴋ 1]

࿔ Danica ࿔

Throughout the whole week, people continue to glance at Danica and have hushed conversations that are obviously about her.

Word spread through sixth year, seeping into the other years and getting around the school in no time. Danica had a fight with Emily, was left with bruises and scratches and now they don't make eye contact. But Danica doesn't even go to her dorm anymore. She sneaks up to Regulus every night, keeping her clothes hidden under his bed. However, they've barely touched since Sunday and she just craves a hug from him.

People stare as they walk side by side from the final class of the week and out to the sunny grounds, ready to enjoy the ever more rare warm and sunny weather. She looks down at her feet as Regulus holds open the door to the courtyard, walking through, not looking up at him. She can feel how tense he is, glaring at anyone who so much as accidentally looks in their direction. Danica continues walking, leaving Regulus behind and following the path down to the forest, wanting to be alone.

"Hey!" Regulus' voice calls to her and he jogs to catch her up, falling into step beside her. "Where're you going?"

"Reg, just leave me for an hour or so, okay?" She says, not looking at him and walking faster.

"Where are you going?" He repeats, talking slower this time.

"Just leave me!" Danica snaps and finally faces him, her eyes full of fire.

He stops short and nods once.

"Fine," he says quietly, "but if you're not back in two hours when it gets dark, I'm coming to find you, okay?"

She turns away and walks off.

"Okay?" Regulus calls after her.

"Whatever," she says and disappears over the slope on the path towards Hagrids hut.

She doesn't know why she is acting like this towards Regulus but she just wanted to get him away. She still craves him, but right now? She needs some alone time. They have been together for almost three months, for two of those they have rarely spent more than an hour apart from one another.

She walks past the hut, continuing down the path and to the dense trees. She really shouldn't be there but this is the safest part of the forest. Slowly Danica makes her way past the first line of trees. It's still light in this part of the forest and the moss is like a carpet. She could lay down and go to sleep and never wake up.

That's a nice thought, she thinks as she looks around, breathing in a sigh and letting it go, her shoulders relaxing.

A bird of some kind sings high above her in the canopy of trees. She closes her eyes and spreads her hands wide at her sides, feeling peace at last. It's that strange peace that fills your ears when you suddenly realise that there was so much noise around you and it's vanished.

It's a peace that lets you be free from the things you did.

Well, Danica chastises herself, opening her eyes and reaching out to a young tree, not free. You'll always bear that burden: murdering someone your own age, she runs her hand over the smooth bark, not yet worn by age.

He wasn't gonna do it. You just did it because you were a coward. And now, because of it, you can see creatures and you feel shit that you've never felt before, she sighs and leans her back against the tree.

Your cowardly bullshit has resulted in more pain than you first thought. You should just end it now, Danica looks around.

Now's a good time. No one will notice you're gone. No one will find you until it's too late.

She reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out her wand.

Then she realises the voice does not belong to her. It belongs to her mother. After so many years, she hears it again. But her actual voice is cut off as her mother speaks to her.

Maybe you could get something to kill you? That way it looks like an accident rather than a carefully planned suicide.

She sighs and listens to the voice in her head.

You're obviously talking from experience, she tells her mother.

She shouldn't go without pain, it should be a slow process because that's what she deserves. After all that she did, she doesn't deserve a happy life.

Danica steps away from the tree and wanders deeper into the forest.

Try shouting, her mum tells her, get attention if you wanna die, you idiot.

She brings her hands to her face and fills her lungs, ready to yell.

But something catches her eye.

That creature.

A thestral.

She lets out her breath silently and drops her hands to her sides.

There's something strangely beautiful about the ugly creatures. Maybe it's the intimacy of not many people being able to see them. Or maybe it's because they have kind, gentle souls that you don't expect from something that looks like that.

She slowly moves closer to it, entirely amazed by the thing as it rips up a dead animal.

"Hey," she whispers like a breath of wind.

The thestral looks up for a moment then resumes eating.

"H-" she starts then suddenly stops as a smaller thestral appears from behind the big one.

This must be a baby.

Emotions overwhelm her as she absorbs the sight of a mother and baby. Tears sting her eyes from nowhere and she swallows her feelings down.

That could be me.

Then she smiles and lets out a breathy laugh.

That could be you, her mother repeats as Danica shakes her head. You mean you want a baby? You don't wanna turn into a thestral?

Yes, I mean I want a baby, she replies to her mother.

Rolling her eyes at herself, she sits down on a mossy rock, watching as the mother shows her baby how to eat.

So you want a baby, huh? Her mother asks some time later.

Maybe at some point in the future.

Mm... with that boyfriend of yours?

Yes...

He's a good boy, sweetheart. You're so deserving of him after what your dad and I put you through.

Why are you here? Danica questions suddenly.

I'm not.

Danica sighs, why are you in my head, then?

You're in your head, stupid.

But I can hear you, mum. Why are you here?

I'm not.

Danica sighs, annoyed and confused.

Am I going mad? She asks her mother.

You're okay, love, really. Just remember that if you want that baby, you've gotta get back to your man and get through the last two years at school.

Danica bites her cheek and looks down at her hands.

Danica? Her mother asks.

Yeah...

Promise me you'll get back to him, yeah?

Danica looks back up at the thestrals and nods.

I promise.

She sits in silence for a while, not knowing exactly how long she is there.

Mum?

But there's no answer.

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