𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄 - CARLISLE CULLEN

THREE

I snapped out of my slumber and woke up gasping and sweating.  My heart was beating so fast my chest tightened.  Creepy nightmare, I thought.  Before I could digest anything the sound of my mother's loud screams entered my ears.  I'm glad I didn't put my headphones on too high.

"Nesryn!"  Shouted my mother.  I hastily jumped off my bed and ran towards the kitchen.  When I got there the kitchen that I had cleaned again became a mess, I sighed.  My mother has problems venting her emotions.  She destroys everything while in a rage.

"Clean this up right away, and don't forget to cook for dinner."  She said to me with a piercing glare.  I nodded quickly, I was afraid of the blow I might get.  She looked at me intently then left quickly leaving me with this mess.

I clutched my chest which was still beating almost twice as fast, the nightmares and my relationship problems with my mother was a bad mix for my heart.  My body was shaking, I was desperately trying to calm myself down to make it easier to work on this matter.

I stood up trying to neutralize my heart without the help of the pill.  I have to be frugal and stop my addiction.  It would make my heart worse.  The thoughts of bad things that will happen are mental torture for me.  This tastes really bad.

I started cleaning the kitchen carefully before going back to thinking about who the girl in my dream was.  it looks at first glance like a much younger version of Kristen Stewart, which confuses me once again.  But I immediately stopped it thinking that it was just the effect of reading Twilight before falling asleep.

After I'm done with the kitchen hygiene issues, I cook some easy meals that I can do.  I left it on the table and ran back to my room before my mother cursed or did anything I didn't want to know.

But before I left she appeared again, this time with an angry face.  I was shaking.

"What are you doing?!"  She snapped loudly.

"I don't know what you mean," I squeaked in fear.  Her hand flew towards my face but before it touched mine I slapped myself hard on the cheek.  I hit myself over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore.

"What stupid thing are you going to do?! Tch what kind of person can be a lawyer with a crazy mentality like you? You're beating yourself up again," she insulted me, I held back the scream I really wanted to vent to her.

She's my mother, but I haven't seen a mother figure from her since I grew up. She never tried it, she didn't want me, she hated me, she never wanted me to exist.

"Why do you always hate me?! What's my problem? Tell me what makes you hate me I will fix it!"  I snapped at my mother with the last bit of courage I'd mustered up for the rest of my life.

"What's problem with you? You are the problem, I always wished I wasn't your mother! I should have aborted you and left your father before it was too late!!! It's annoying to see you act like you're a victim, my life is ruined because of you. A little grateful that I let you stay alive!"

I am the problem, she hopes I am not his daughter, she regrets not killing me, I am a villain?  The dark voice in my head echoed the slurs my mother uttered.  I always knew that she would regret having me but I never expected her to admit it to my face.

Tears came out on their own, my chest felt like it was being stabbed, with a trembling body I closed my door tightly.

After closing my bedroom door I once again buried my head in my knees.  My tears dripped down my hot cheeks, this pain revived me.  Reminds me of how unwanted I am here.  I begged again one last time to let me escape this sad reality.  I just want to enjoy my life a little by being away from my parents without making it difficult for anyone.