After Midnight (a.i.)

38

I felt his eyes on me all night, burning a hole through the side of my head with what felt like spite. I assumed he was in a bad mood; we lost the football game so our spirits were crushed all through the night. The only saving grace to liven the mood; the after party at Hailey McNamara's house.

She had the biggest house in the school, it was essentially a mansion on steroids. It was expansive and right on the lakefront, opening endless opportunities for skinny dipping and bad decisions. It was underage drinking central tonight; no one was sober and no one gave a shit. Boys flocked in their groups watching girls strut around with their barely clothed bodies, a stolen keg and countless liquor bottles from her parent's unlocked cabinet. It was the epitome of the teenage dream.

I didn't drink much tonight, I already didn't want to be here but wanted to appease him, so I put on a brave face and made an appearance. Even though he ignored me all night with his fellow teammates, I perked up with a fake smile and found a way to amuse myself with a few peers from my chemistry class. It was a small group of us, most of us have been friends since middle school but the only outlier was Jake.

Jake and I have known each other since kindergarten. He was a family friend and lived right down the road from us, so we were together almost every day when we were kids. He became like the brother I never had. We grew apart as the years passed us by, but we'll always be there. We were both very similar, big crowds and flashy parties weren't our thing, but our friends or someone always managed dragged us along. When we were left alone, we'd find each other and just talk like we never lost time. It was always nice to play catch up.

But something was off this time around. Those eyes and angered frown were glued to me all night as I stood by Jake, bullshitting about our dad's and how they constantly compared garages and argued whose was best. It was easy with Jake. Always was. But not when I had daggers on me that beckoned me into the ground.

It was time to face the music eventually, but it was never on my terms. It was when he felt the time was right. And apparently this time was right when I was excluded by a single tree, absently carving with my dad's pocket knife an ironic saying out of pure boredom. The shredded tree bark fell to my feet below me, the stubborn pieces popping off into the water behind. No one would see this tree anyway, it was secluded and far enough from the house. Not that anyone would've cared, anyway.

And then I heard angry footsteps headed my way, stumbled yet determined and almost shaking the ground beneath my feet. My heart began to race with every step, I knew this wouldn't end well and I quickly glanced around for a possible escape route, but I came up empty. Unless I wanted to jump in the lake behind me and swim away, I was frozen in my place near the tree, mulling over in my brain what I could have possible done wrong, what it was this time, why it was all my fault, and awaiting his irate arrival.

Then he barks at me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Deep and cold, full of fury that only I could've caused. He was never the type to show aggression, not when we first started dating anyway, but over the months it just grew and grew into something he couldn't control.  With his parent's issues at home and pressure with school, he felt it was only fair to take it out on me. And most times, I let him.

"Just messing around." I sputter out, dropping the knife from the tree and holding it to my side in my shaky hand. Was he that mad about the tree?

"Flirting with Jake, like I couldn't fucking see everything?" His accusation is full of venom, his tone hooking teeth into my neck and filling me with the icy hot shame that I've become accustomed to.

"I-It wasn't like that at all. We were just talking about school and our parents." I try to keep my calm, but utterly fail as I stumble over my desperate explanation. It never worked, but for some reason I always had to try.