After Midnight (a.i.)

45

Ashton's POV

This was the peak of my existence.

Sitting next to her, sprawled out on my bed sheets, soft skin kissed with a thin layer of sweat, the blue in her eyes glazed over as she gazed up at me with a lazy grin that read nothing but fucking pleased. She looked wrecked but completely content, satisfied, so damn perfect stretching out her tingling limbs beside me.

Angel was happy, and you should be fucking proud.

And I was, immensely so. I felt on top of the world having her look so complaisant next to me after what I've done to her. It's all I wanted, I didn't even care about myself at this point. Seeing the delight on her face eased the heaviness in my chest and I was able to breathe knowing I was able to give her what she wanted. Not once did I see her smile fade, her eyes drift off with that look of disdain I was worried to pull out of her. She was taken care of and grinning ear to ear, I can shove the anxiety away, put my fears to rest and bask in the comedown of her high with her.

I let her catch her breath for a bit while I sit next to her on the bed, leaning back against the bed frame to give her some space. I didn't mind, not in the slightest. I had all the time in the world.

My head falls back and I shut my eyes for a moment for a breather, lightly smiling at the pride that fills me to the brim. It boosted my ego a bit, I couldn't lie. Not only that I got her off twice, the second in a way she never has before, but the fact that I had the control to not finish in two minutes like I knew I would. I didn't know I had it in me. I wanted to. God did I want to, at least six times I can think of off the top of my head. I could right now just looking at her next to me.

I'm a bit surprised I haven't, to be honest. Considering the dry spell I've been on for the past couple of months, aside from our few moments together recently, I was certain I wouldn't last long. Especially not with her. I almost bust in my jeans whenever she says my name, so this was a genuine shock. But something kept me together, something sparked in my head that just wanted to focus on her. Keep her going, make her legs shake, make her moan your name until she can't anymore. She was my only focus, and the pay off felt damn good.

I had no concern for myself, for my own release that was almost painfully desperate now. I still don't. Every ounce of me wanted to focus on her, no matter how badly I needed to ease the ache in my bones. It caught me off guard a bit, that voice in my head that is usually so selfish now becoming a mental temple of devotion for her.

I've never not been selfish during aimless hookups. Half the time I was too fucked up to even care, chasing my own release and leaving the nameless woman high and dry. If she got herself off, fine—they usually did. But I wasn't going above and beyond to get her there. I didn't care enough, I was selfish and didn't have the capacity to give a shit. Sex was meaningless on both ends, and for me it was just another thing to help fill the void inside. I checked out of intimacy a long time ago, ever since she made that a crime. I was done putting my time and energy into someone, no more caring and no more passion. It was fool proof. No feelings, no pain. If everything was meaningless, nothing could hurt you.

But Cara wasn't wired that way. Though it was used against her in the past, she still craved that feeling of warmth, lustful affection that made her feel whole. Something I've given up so many years ago, she's held close to her chest. I couldn't wrap my head around that, maybe that's why it bothered me so much. More power to her. If someone did to me what Matt did to her, I'd probably never fuck anyone ever again.

I should be real fucking grateful right now, all things considered.

Not only that she trusts me enough to commit such a vulnerable act, honor her the way she wants and the way she truly deserves. Trusting me the way she has so many others before that have never shown worthiness of her, treating her body with malice instead of praise. She opened herself up to me out of trust, and she managed to light that fire in my head that died down many years ago. What I thought was a lost cause was merely a scratch to her. She was able to fight her way in, through the darkness that consumed me whole and she found her way out, dragging me along with her. She instilled that sense of want back into me, that craving for passion that I never thought I'd get back. All because of her, that desire for intimacy came back full force. The want, the lust, the hungry devotion that almost made me nauseous returned from the dead. All because of her, and all for her.