I ended up not going to the pool party. As much as I wanted to I couldn't put myself up to do it. The cookout was one thing and that already had me on ten. Just going somewhere else with more people knowing how I get wasn't the wave for me. At least not right now. I'm comfortable at my place just being with my things.
Tabitha FaceTimed me a few minutes ago to show me everything. It looked fun but I couldn't be around all of those people. I instantly caught a bad vibe just from her showing me everything. One step at a time for me. I've been listening to my therapist. I know for myself that I'm not gonna over do it. It's going to take time for me to able to fully be out in the world.
While they were out having fun I was making TikTok's. It's like I've become obsessed with this app. You can find any and everything on here. The hacks are always the best. I use some of them with certain things. I even tried the crazy foods that they make. The last one I did def gave me the runs and I ran to the bathroom. I was in there for an hour.
I went through Instagram just checking people stories and I saw Chris story. In the background was some girl talking to shadow. It def kinda made me jealous and I don't know why. We're not even together and we don't see each other that way. So why am I so mad that he's talking to other females?
Even if I would've went, he'd still be talking to other females. Is that not in a dudes nature to talk to females. I got off Instagram and went back to watching the tv. Watching the tv should take my mind off of it. At least that's what I'm telling myself. He's not my man, he's just a friend.
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SHADOW
The pool party was crazy lit and the hoes was out tonight. The DJ is kinda iffy with the music. He'll play some good shit then play some nobody ever heard of before but I guess it kept the crowd entertained. I wouldn't book him on a regular basis. I think he needs to fix his playlist or some. I wish Ariana would've came but I understand why she didn't.
She would've out staged most of these hoes here. They all came dressed like they wanna get chose. You can tell who here for the clout and the niggas with money. It's a lot of celebrities and influencers here so it's bound to attract all kinds of people. This place fye as hell. This really some billionaire shit.
I still don't know how it got this many people. The back yard was damn near a football stadium and pool was a mini ocean. I wanna gonna dunk in the pool but it's too many people in that bitch. Half them probably dirty and don't wash for real. I know a hoe bath when I see one.
Some lil gothic jawn had came up to me. She cool or whatever but I wasn't really interested in her like that. She's like the 10th chick to approach me out the blue. I think females be seeing the drip and they want a piece. That's not how I operate my time with women. I don't want nobody that's looking for a come up.
If I don't approach you first then you're only talking to me for one reason. Even if I approach you first I still gotta know your intentions and I can always telling lwhen somebody lying. The girl was still in my face and honestly I ain't wanna talk. She got a nice body but her breath stank and she needs to comb that wig.
I really don't wanna talk to none of these females here. I'm just here to vibe, drink and enjoy the view. Is that too much to ask for? A nigga likes this space. I got a ding on my phone I saw Ariana had texted me. She sent a picture of her cuddled up to her teddy bear watching another horror movie. I swear that's all she like.
Honestly I would've preferred being at the crib with her. I would like to think that we are friends and we can tell each other stuff without judgement or anything. She is a cool person and behind all of the nervousness she has a beautiful personality. We have told each other some dark stuff that's most wouldn't know. She's a great listener and definitely supportive. That's one of the things I like about her.
I liked the picture and sent a text back asking what movie she is watching. Scary movies ain't my first choice but I'll watch it with her. I don't see how anybody could be into all of that dumbass shit. Most of them have the same plot. They dont stray away with scary movies. I swear about 98% of all scary movies are the same.
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ARIANA
By the time they made it back I was already in my pajamas. I had cooked a full course dinner to last the entire week. I wanted to make sure that I had enough so I don't have to cook for the rest of these days. I go back to work next week and I'm a little nervous but I know that I have to do this. I stop have to make my money.
I sat at the island and ate my food. I am definitely gone have the itis after eating this. I saw shadow looking at me and I gave him a small smile before going back to my food. His stares is always so intense but this one was unreadable. Usually I can tell what the stares mean but I couldn't with this one. I could feel him still staring at me. It freaked me out a bit but for some reason it turned me on.
It's like he was looking into my soul but looking where no one else would. I finished my food and quickly went to clean my plate. By the time I was done shadow was already in the kitchen blocking me from leaving. I couldn't even look up at him afraid of what could be next. He trapped me by the sink leaving no space for a getaway.
"You don't have to be scared Ariana. Look up at me baby."
Not him calling me baby. That alone had me leaking. I looked up at him and he licked his lips. I wonder what he could do with those. This man so fine it's unreal.
"You looked real beautiful in that picture you sent me."
"Thank you." I blushed a little
"We should watch one of them lil scary movies together one day."
His hands touched my waist making me shiver. I didn't think hands could be this soft.
"I thought you didn't like scary movies. What changed your mind."
"I didn't say I ain't like them. I just said they all have the same plot which makes me not want to watch them."
"We can do that this weekend. I'm free if you're not too busy."
"Yea that sounds like a plan. It's something i really wanna tell you to."
"Is it something bad? You're making me nervous."
"That depends on how you take it but I don't wanna make you nervous or scare you."
The look on shadow's eyes had me slightly worried. I wondered what it could be that he needed to tell me. This would definitely be sitting on my mind. I wanna know now but it might be better to wait. Then again I'm not really good with waiting and I get impatient sometimes. What if he tells me that he likes me? Then again that won't happen seeing as though he hasn't made any type of pass or gesture or said anything to let me know.
I could just be overreacting and overthinking it but what am I supposed to do?
