Not My Alpha (Completed)

Chapter Nineteen - Chances

Song - Walking the Wire - Imagine Dragons

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Hey beautiful people! 

Thanks for your wonderful patience with this chapter. I know it's been a longer than normal wait. The chapter just took me a while to write...the characters were refusing to talk to me this week. XD

Now, let's get some #SamSquared action going. Hope you enjoy!

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Samuel had finished redressing my wound and we now sat in silence. Neverending, harrowing, deafening silence. I couldn't tell what was going through his mind, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to. He had finally relaxed enough to not involuntarily shift, but he didn't do much beyond that. At the moment, we were both sitting on opposite ends of our dirt hole, lost in our thoughts. 

It wasn't a good situation for me, as I was trying to avoid thinking. After everything that happened, I knew it was easier to ignore the problem. Push away the thoughts and think only of the present. It would do me no good to dwell on the people that betrayed me. Or the fact that there was no conceivable way out of this. Or the possibility that my family was already dead. Still, images of the past few days seemed to slap me across the face. I felt each and every blow. One for the people I'd trusted. One for the mistakes I'd made. One for relying on anyone but myself. 

They just kept coming. 

My breath shook as I inhaled deeply, my hands bracing my temples. I glanced up to Samuel, only to see him with his eyes closed while he rested his head against the wall. His knees were bent with his arms relaxing on top of them. He seemed to be in perfect health. There were no memories of the injuries he'd sustained, no scars brandishing his skin from the countless wounds inflicted. He had gotten what he wanted - me. That appeared to be the only thing that would ever worry him. The only proof he'd struggled with anything in this situation was the two silver bullets buried deep in my pockets. 

I remembered the tiny things, my hands digging into my jacket as I eyed Samuel warily. When I realized he was still sleeping, I dug out the bullets and held one in my fingers, twisting it close to my eyes. The bullet was half the size of my pinky and silver through and through. The color, the smell, the weight. I played with it for a minute before I balanced it precariously between my thumb and forefinger. It was hard to believe something so small had caused so much pain.  

Then again, it wasn't that hard to believe. There were too many things that seemed too insignificant to do any real damage, whether to body or mind. James knives, for example, never seemed as deadly as they were. 

I flinched at yet another unwanted memory, trying to push it back down. I'd done it with this particular memory many times before, so I wasn't sure why it kept coming back to me now. But, no matter how hard I tried, it seemed every thought lead back to the name scarred into my back. I thought I'd moved on from the trauma, but it seemed Samuel had resurfaced the memories. Sure, my body had healed, but my mind was nowhere close. That fact was made evident anytime I went near James. Even though I had to live with him, I made it a point to always avoid being in his presence. Of course, he would seek me out, and then I couldn't run. I'd be resigned to his drunken beatings. My mother would always try to calm him, and sometimes it would work. Most other nights, Will would come home just in time to lock us in his room. But for the most part, I'd gotten used to living in fear. And then, I'd gotten used to living in guilt. Guilt because if I'd only been stronger, I could have fought him off that night. It would be me in the hospital, and not Will. 

Samuel's words suddenly echoed through my mind. I'm going to kill him.

I allowed myself to dwell on that thought for a minute, picturing James demise. I wasn't a violent person, nor did I actively want to murder people,  but it was hard to deny the fact that if James was gone then my family's life would be safer. For that reason, I didn't shrink back from the thought of James death. In fact, I welcomed it. If Samuel wanted to kill Jame, I wasn't going to stop him.