Not My Alpha (Completed)

Chapter Forty-One - I Exploited It

My senses came back slowly. First, it was the burning of my side. Then, it was a soft hand running up and down my back. Lastly, it was Raven's voice, small and tense, whispering lies of encouragement. I tried to dwell on those lies. I tried to believe them. But, I couldn't. No matter how desperately my heart pined for encouragement, I couldn't believe that Will would survive.

When the tears fell silently, Raven pulled back to look me in the eyes. She was silent for a few long moments before she bowed her head and dropped her hand from my back.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. When I didn't respond, she looked up, watching me carefully. "Do you need anything? Water?" Her voice was barely a whisper of the wind. It was as if even talking too loud would cause me to break once more. To her, I was nothing more than a house of cards precariously balancing on my tears. 

Slowly, I nodded. It took her only seconds to leave me and return with a glass. I pressed it to my lips, not really feeling the cold liquid enter my system. When the water was gone, Raven took the glass and set it on the ground beside us. I could tell she wasn't comfortable with silence, because, after a tense, silent moment, she asked, "Are you alright?"

"No," my voice cracked.

"Sorry, stupid question," she trailed off. "It's going to be okay, though. It's going to be okay."

I didn't respond.

Raven continued, filling the silence. She rambled on and half the things she said I didn't hear. Whether the nonsensical talking was for her benefit or my own, I couldn't tell. Maybe she knew that it was better to fill the silence with useless words rather than allow memories of Will's screams. Maybe she just didn't want me to break again.

"Hey," she eventually paused, rubbing a hand up my back again. "I know I said humans don't often survive, but he's in good hands. I can promise you that."

Had it been any other situation, I would have rolled my eyes. I didn't even have to think before I croaked, "Riley's not good hands."

"I was talking about the Beta."

I shook my head slowly, my voice as dead as I felt. "Neither of them are good hands."

Raven shifted her weight. I knew it wasn't in her nature to talk down about the 'leadership' of her pack; it was like that for any werewolf. But, I didn't care. Not that I was making her uncomfortable, not that I was showing my hatred for her kind. None of it mattered anymore.

I was going to lose everything.

The thought struck me harder than a bullet piercing my skin. For the next few moments, it was all I could think of. My mother was gone. Will would soon be dead. And what was I doing? What had I been doing all week?

Sitting in an apartment waiting for something to happen.

A new feeling rushed through me. Initially, it was shame at my cowardice and refusal to act. It wasn't that I hadn't tried to escape. The first day had consisted of nothing but me searching Samuel's apartment for any openings that weren't guarded. But, after that, I'd given up. When I saw that there were too many werewolves, too many odds stacked against me, I'd sat down in my bedroom and brooded, resigning myself to the fact my life was no longer my own. I accepted that my existence was only to make Samuel happy. 

Next, I felt contempt. Contempt, and anger. However, it wasn't outwardly focused, anymore. This anger was directed at me. The entire week I'd been too involved in my own self-pity to even realize what was happening. I was too scared and defeated to fight as I normally would. The girl that had run, the girl that had risked everything to save her and her family's lives, was pushed behind a wall I hadn't even consciously built. And now, it took the last bit of what meant something in my life to finally wake me up.