Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 37

Sometimes it's okay to cry. Even if it's embarrassing, or if you don't know why you're crying. At the end of the day it's always alright to shed tears. So with Yoongi holding me, that's all I could do.

This tour has been a nonsense rollercoaster. Endless concerts, practice for hours, and the travel get to me. But add on all of the awkward moments with everyone else, and my poor self care... It was a mess. Some things I can't even fully remember due to more stress piling on top to the point it's a locked away thought.

I needed to be stronger. This was going to be my life if Little Sinners was successful. This was my dream, and I couldn't give it up. I needed to better myself.

Yoongi sat with his arms around me as I just sobbed into him. In that moment I just wanted to let every bad thing go so I could be better. I know we weren't close, but we didn't need to be. It felt better letting out the emotion without needing to explain everything. No pretending, no pity party. Yoongi was the raft that saved me from the tide in that moment. There's nothing in my power I could do to make that up to him. I'll owe him forever.

To think just moments before I was having a normal conversation. Nothing deep, or emotional. But there I was blubbering like my life depended on it for what felt like ages. It wasn't just me either. Even though my vision was blurred I could see Daejung crying too, though it was silently to himself. I wasn't surprised though, he has such a big heart that he would cry at a time like this.

After a while I let go of Yoongi, and ushered him out to get ready for his interview. I felt bad, but he really had to go while me and Daejung took care of a few things. Even on a break there's just some stuff that needs to get done. So after all the crying, and being vulnerable I somehow felt energetic enough to move on with the day.

I guess you could say I felt loved in that moment. That I knew things were different, and not as dark as they used to be for me. I've been blessed with so many things recently, things I can never take for granted. In an instant I could lose this happy place so I can't sit around when the moments are there to enjoy.

Daejung, Seko, and Luka...

Seokjin, Jeongguk, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon...

For now, even if it's a bit messy because of our careers they are my family. Same with TxT when I can finally sit down, and get to know them properly. BigHit was a dream, and now it's my haven of people who are concerned about me. It seems too perfect to be real, even if it's hard sometimes. I know I'm not alone here though.

"Sin, let's get going. There's some shopping we need to do before the sun sets," I swiftly slide on a hoodie and wait for him in front of the door as he slips on some shoes. To think this is natural, being able to get ready and actually go enjoy the day with someone. When Sin stood up it was somehow refreshing to see. Like a wave of comfort took over me as he smiled, and walked beside me on our way out of the hotel room. Sin talks during the walk to the elevator, asking me questions or about what to so while we're out. Just finding anyway for us to kill time in between errands. "Souvenirs for home?"

I think... for the first time in my life that word means something to me.

That comfort I felt when Sin smiled, the way I can easily be with the others and feel safe...

Even though we are across the world

I'm home.