Oblivious (Boun x Prem)

Chapter 20: Chance

5

It's been just over a week since I last saw Prem, 9 days. Although it's not that long, I've gone longer without seeing him, almost a month the one time.

But I've just gotten so used to him staying with me, do you know how many times I've almost called out to him that dinner's ready. The apartment just feels so empty.

I've also been feeling like maybe this is just not meant to be, we're not meant to be. It's just that it's been 4 years and nothing's changed, I know that's partly my fault.

Oh who am I kidding, it's all my fault. I just feel like I've rode this out for too long, and maybe if I'd have told him sooner we might've had a chance. But now it just feels like I've missed it, missed my chance.

I guess it's time to move on. I don't want to screw up what we have, ruin it by professing my feelings and then have them not be reciprocated. It'd screw everything up, I'd have screwed everything up.

I've always been a coward when it came to confessing my feelings, even though all you need to do is say three goddamn words.

I like you.

Yet those words are the hardest things one can ever say. Because when you say that, you're giving that person a loaded gun, and you have to hope and pray that they won't pull the trigger.

The triggers been pull on me before, and although I've moved on, I've never forgotten the feeling.

It's a feeling that no one wants to feel, and I never want to feel it again.

But this time it's different. This time instead of a gun, this time it's a bomb, and it's strapped to my chest. And he holds the remote that either activates it or defuse's it.

You can survive a gun almost always, but a bomb...

That's in a whole other ball park.

***

For the past 9 days I've been basically swamped with work. That mattress company that I did a photo shoot for wanted me to be in an add of theirs. I've had a few shoots for Kazz magazine, I had a shoot for a cosmetics company, a new clothing line, meetings, men's deodorant, I did an add for toothpaste and like 5 other things.

But despite it all, I'm actually glad I've got all these things to keep me busy, they're distracting me from thinking about my personal problems.

Well, they were...

For the next 3 days up until Monday my schedule is completely empty.

I am a free man. Free to do whatever I want, and free to constantly think about my feelings for Prem!

Yay.

But I'm actually going out with a friend tonight to some club, call me old, but I don't even now when the last time I went to a club was. It feels like years, but I'm probably wrong.

That wasn't my original plan for tonight, but hey. I was probably going to just sit on the couch, watch movies while eating popcorn and cuddle with Lu.

But now I'm going to some club, most probably a gay one, and will probably just sit by the bar, and maybe I'll dance, maybe.

I was a little sceptic when he asked me to accompany him, because I did not want to be in crowded room with a bunch of hormonal teens dancing to bad rap music while they grind on some stranger who just happened to be there. But he assured me that it wouldn't be like that, he said it's an 21 and over club and there are usually people around our age there, and that I didn't have to worry about being in a room full of hormonal teens, he couldn't promise that there'd be no grinding though...