We Were Blue // Completed

8//

"My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets, but never the ones with big brown eyes and a heartbeat." 

-Unknown

* * *

"Fucking asshole, good for nothing dickhead," Tendrils of red red hair blur in front of my vision as Alexis rages. She swipes at the strands heatedly like she's trying to get rid of a pesky fly. "How could he do this to you?" I shrug my shoulders, relieved I'm not the only one that thinks this is a total jackass move on his part.

The sting of his words still swim through my heart as my brain repeats what he said over and over and over again, like a broken record I can't seem to get away from. Maybe I'm a masochist, I know I should run far far away but I can't help finding my way back to him every single time. "Why would Roman say he's lying? It doesn't make sense for Damon to lie about something like this."

Emerald irises flame as they stare at me, something swirling deep inside them that scare even me. "He's an idiot, that's why. I say screw him, there's a million guys out there better than him. He's not worth the pain Fel, no one should make you feel this way, and I don't care who the fuck it is, you deserve better," And I know she's right.

But I can't help but not care what I deserve, because he's what I want. I want him despite the fact he breaks my heart without flinching. Despite the fact I know he's bad for me, because maybe I want him for just that reason. Maybe I want the back and forth and hot and cold, maybe I want everything that drives me absolutely crazy. Maybe I'm addicted to the pain, addicted to the high of loving someone who is only poisonous to my heart.

My heart wants this and I've always been a 'heart over mind' kind of girl. "Get up," She crunches down so she's eye level with me "We're going out," She holds her finger up before I can protest. "Fel, it's my job as your best friend to get your ass up, and stop you from wallowing in your misery any longer."

I slouch deeper into the midnight blue sofa, wishing it would just consume me. "We're going to go find you a new guy. A guy that will treat you like your his goddamn queen, because that's what you should be- his queen," I want to say that's what I once was to damon, but that's the thing it's not that way anymore. I'm not his queen anymore, now I'm just some girl he was once in love with, some girl he got over with no problem.

The idea of replacing Damon makes me feel like I'm betraying him, like I have no right to find happiness again. And I know that's not the truth, I deserve happiness but I guess I want my happiness to be with Damon, not anybody else. Alexis sighs, and plops down on the cushion next to me. "Fel, you just need to get over him. I know it's hard, but that's what's best for you in the long run."

If only it were that easy. Alexis' emerald jewels plead with me to give in, and what bad could a night out really be? Maybe it'll even get my mind off of everything. "Fine," I conclude, "But please for the love of God don't make me regret this," She squeals in delight and wastes no time dragging me up the stairs to get ready.

* * *

I stare at the fake I.D.'s as Alexis finishes glossing her lips. My stomach flips as I recall the last time I used one of these, and suddenly I begin to rethink tonight altogether. I examine the girl in the laminate picture, barely recognizing the smile glued to her lips and the vacant gleam in her irises.

I remember the day this photo was taken like it was yesterday. Damon had just left, like I was nothing, like I had never been anything at all. It was the worst kind of sting because everything felt like it would last forever, and I guess that's the thing when you're naive and in love- you never think they will leave until they do.