We Were Blue // Completed

42//

"I love you. They're only three words, but they're the three truest words I know. And I'll be saying them to you forever."

-Amy Winehouse

* * *

The snow has morphed into rain. It pounds on the pavement, hitting fiercely like it's angry, so angry. Roman stares blankly at the spot Julian occupied moments ago, his gaze looks haunted, torchered by what lies in the depths of his mind. I reach for him, he pulls away. "Roman-" He abruptly rises from his seat, accidentally hitting the table in the process and causing it to jumble.

He storms out of the restaurant, I'm struck by how similar the action is to Damon leaving, done in the same exact manner, and perhaps in the same mindset.  "Wait!" Racing after him, I cause costumers gazes to turn on me in curiosity as I follow him out into the bitter storm. 

Thunder rumbles, my Grams used to tell me it was the sound of angels bowling, but tonight it sounds vicious and treacherous. Droplets latch onto my skin and cling to my body, sending never-ending shivers down my spine. "What's wrong?" I have to scream to be heard over the rain.

The weather roars as he stalks over to me. My beautiful dress, once silky and effortless, now sticks to my curves uncomfortably. I squint to see through the pounding water as Roman stops his footfalls only a couple feet in front of me. He let's out a bitter chuckle. "What's wrong? What's wrong? Felicity what's not wrong?" His voice rises with each syllable, booming through the noisy atmosphere with ease.

"Roman-"

He runs an irritated hand through his sopping wet hair. "No Fel, we can't keep pretending this is okay."

A noise of frustration leaves my throat, as a strike of lightning highlights the sky. Roman's chest heaves up and down, like he's trying his damnedest to keep himself in control. "What are you talking about?"

His jaw twitches and he shakes his head. "This. Us." He motions in between our bodies. "For God sakes I'm in love with my brother's girl, how is any of this okay? I shouldn't want you, I shouldn't think about you as much as I do, I shouldn't be so fucking in love with you, but I am." The words leave my brain, as everything I've ever thought is suddenly forgotten.

He's in love with me. He's in love with me.

My heart floats and sinks at the same time, it begs me to run to him but warns of the consequences if I do. He's staring at me with every emotion, and they race from his eyes through my body like a shot of adrenaline and I feel everything. The hope. The love. The fear. The anger. The sadness. The pain. Everything. 

I want to fix the situation but I don't know how. It's such a hopeless feeling, because I would do anything, I would do everything, to give us a fighting chance, but in this case I know even that wouldn't work. Sometimes things are too broken to be fixed and I could try and try and try but it wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't change the betrayal I saw swirling in Damon's stormy eyes, and it wouldn't change the guilt within Roman and I's souls.

Do I throw caution to the wind? Give in to the thing I want the most, yet may destroy me in the end? Or do I give it up? Let him go like I know I should, but desperately don't want to? It's between right and wrong. Between what I should and shouldn't do. Between my head and my heart. Between Roman, or no Roman. How do you decide between two evils? Between two concepts that both have their very own dire consequences?

There's a chance both will end in heartbreak, in fact they probably will, that's almost a given. Roman's eyes drink me in, waiting for me to respond, for me to say anything because anything's better than nothing. My heart jumps erratically in my chest, hitting against my ribcage forcefully and making it hard to breathe. He's bad for me, I know he's bad for me, and he very well may end up being the worst decision of my life but I think I'm willing to take that chance if it means that even for a moment I get to be with him, that I get to have him by my side.