We Were Blue // Completed

13//

"Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don't."

-Stephen King

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I feel sick to my stomach, like acid is burning my intestines into shreds, tearing them apart with no mercy. His smile is dazzling, he used to look at me that way. He stares down at the small blond with such intensity it feels like I'm interrupting their moment. She gets up on her tipy toes and even then she's not eye-level with him, I never had that problem, maybe he likes how short she is.

He grabs onto her waist, his hold looks gentle and secure and fuck me for wanting to be her. Moments later his lips feverishly meets hers and I want to puke, and cry, and scream, but I stand frozen instead. Maybe I'm a masochist because I can't tear my gaze away, and I keep thinking about how his lips used to feel, how I'd give anything to be that stupid girl again. This is your fault, my mind reminds me, you let him go, you chose to leave him behind, this is your fault. 

My heart claws at my throat, trying to climb out of my chest, trying to escape the pain. I have the desire to pull her perfectly manicured claws away from Damon, but there's no point. It won't change anything, it won't change the fact he hasn't noticed my presence, or the fact that if he has he doesn't care that it hurts me. 

She's gorgeous and suddenly I feel insecure, because she's nothing like me. She's short and perfectly blond, like there's a halo floating above her head making her practically shine. She radiates, the type of girl that could stop a train without a single word. My stomach twists, the little green devil sitting on my shoulder begging me to do something I know I'll only regret. 

No wonder he hasn't noticed me, why would he? He has her to occupy his attention. I don't know what to do, I want to run, run away and never come back. Grams aways feared I would be the type to run away from my problems, she said my mom had the tendency to do that, she said she didn't want me to end up that way. Looks like I'm going to disappoint her. 

I stumble away, my back colliding into the metal behind me, sending a stab of pain up my spine and to my neck. I swallow against the lump forming in my throat, unable to tear my gaze away from the  intimate pair. Please make this be a dream, I blink and blink and blink, hoping the next time I open my eyes this torture will be gone, but that doesn't happen. 

The only thing keeping me upright is the cool metal behind my back. I feel numb as I finally turn away, unable to endure this anymore, but the image continues to play in my head, over and over and over again. 

My blood pumps fiercely, thumping in my ears making it hard to hear my surroundings. I don't know where to go, I can't stay here and I can't go home. It barely took Damon two weeks to move on and find someone new, and here I am a year later still secretly hoping we'll end up together. 

I wanted him to fight for me, I wanted him to tell me he wouldn't allow me to give up on us, but he didn't. Instead he found someone new, and he's letting the whole world know. Someone latches onto my arm, pulling me to a slow stop in my haste to escape. 

Roman's refreshing ice irises are like a bucket of freezing water, anchoring me back to reality. His touch is soft as he lifts my chin so my eyes connect with his, but his fingers are like fire and I jolt away immediately. "Fel," He utters, his eyes flickering to something behind me, which I know is Damon and that goddamn girl.

I want to crumple to the floor when sorrow mixes onto his features, like he's taking some of my pain onto himself. I smile, but I know it's bitter. "Oh so now you'll acknowledge my existence?" I couldn't care less about the answer, I couldn't care less about anything thing else then getting the fuck out of here.