We Were Blue // Completed

2//

"When someone could show you heaven, that person could show you hell too."

-Akmal Karim

 A shallow breeze sweeps up the loose strands from my ponytail and causes them to tickle my cheek. Swatting the tendrils away, I descend down the concrete stairs and into the hectic parking lot. Half wondering where Damon lies in the sea of faces and half knowing I shouldn't give a damn.

Much to my dismay I find my answer leaned up against my tattered old truck. Damon's lips part ever-so-slightly as he stares up at the sky, the clouds are a dusty grey today that remind me of his eyes. He hasn't noticed my presence yet and it would be so easy to turn around and go the other direction. But running from problems never solves anything- just ask Damon, he seems to be awfully good at it.

Finally, he glances back down and meets my gaze and I swear all the air rushes out of my lungs. With sweaty palms and a violent heart I stagger toward him. His adam's apple bobs up and down and I wonder if he's as nervous as I am.

I want him to crave me like I do him, which is fucking stupid because the boy in front of me was so desperate to get away he put an ocean in between us. Inhaling a shaky breath, I hold my head high, after all maybe if I can pretend his being here doesn't have an effect on me he'll believe it. The truth is it's like my heart has been cut open and I'm bleeding out all over the school parking lot, hoping he'll notice and come save me.

But all he does is straighten his spine at my arrival and run a calloused hand through his already tousled hair. And it breaks my heart even more because this-us-used to be so normal, so in sync, so perfect. I guess what they say is true, all good things must come to an end eventually.

Swallowing thickly, I come to a halt before him. "Damon." My tone is strong and firm, the exact opposite of what I was expecting.

His eyes swirl silver and I swear I could get lost in them, if only he would let me. "Hey." His voice is soft and husky like hot chocolate on a frigid december night, reeling me in and causing my knees to go all wobbly.

I mess with the hem at the bottom of my shirt, my hands feeling awkward and unsure because all I ache to do is reach up and touch him. I want to assure him that everything will be alright, that we'll make it through this and I never stopped loving him, not even for a second. But it's not my place to say, not anymore. So instead I keep my hands to myself, at the bottom of my shirt to keep myself from doing something stupid.

His eyes follow my motion and zero in on the restless movement. He steps away from the truck, and for a split second, I think maybe he feels the same way and understands how much this is killing me. He appears torn as he stands in front of me like a lost little boy, and it just makes all of this that much harder. I watch as confliction flickers across his features and I would give anything to know what's going through that beautiful head of his.

After a long, painful minute another hesitant step is taken in my direction yet this time his movement falters mid-stride like he regrets his decision, and just like that I have my answer. Moving back to his initial spot, Damon stuffs his hands into his pockets before clearing his throat.

I don't know what to say to him. What am I supposed to say to the person who shattered my heart into a million shards? To the boy who made me fall head over heels and then left without a single goodbye? I sure as hell don't know.

His eyes carry so much torment, so many regrets and unspoken apologies and yet somehow I know I'll never get to hear them. All at once I realize the only thing I really want is to be far far away from this boy, from these stupid feelings, from our past and everything that could never be fixed no matter how hard we may try. I don't want to hear him try to explain himself, which is ironic because that's the one thing I've dreamed about every single day for the past year, but now I'm just exhausted and want to go home.

"Fel." His voice is gentle and sad, matching his eyes as he shifts from foot to foot. My throat is raw as I lift my head and successfully discontinue his sentence. For a second, I consider that maybe I'm making the wrong choice, that I should give him the benefit of the doubt and hear him out. But I swallow my uncertainty because I'm beginning to believe if he deserved my understanding he wouldn't have ignored me every time I tried to reach out to him while he was in Spain.

Shaking my head, I blink away the hot tears and step toward him. "Not right now Damon." I hate how my voice sounds- weak and rough and so unlike the girl I once was before he broke my heart. Will I ever be person again? Is that even a possibility at this point? Or does this kind of heartbreak change a person for good?

His eyes widen and for a moment, just a moment, I think he's going to reach out and touch me and convince me he deserves this. Instead his fingers lace through his hair and exhales a lengthy breath of air. "I'm sorry." He mummers, just above a whisper, as I stride past him to the drivers side of my truck.

My heart gallops in my chest at those two simple words, but I keep my features blank as I step up onto the nerf bar and glance at him over the top of the open door frame. "And I wish that was enough Damon, I really do, but I need more than that this time." He takes a step away when I close the door, his lips in a grim line as I put the car into reverse and pull away.

Don't look. Don't look back, just keep driving Fel. Don't look.

Despite myself and my better instinct my gaze drifts to the rear view mirror, watching him grow smaller and smaller as I drive away. I can't help but wonder why I still love a boy who broke me into pieces, don't I deserve more than that? More than desperately hanging onto the hope that he'll need me that same way I need him?

But then again maybe we don't get to choose when we fall in love or when we fall out of love. Maybe it's supposed to catch us off guard, maybe that's the whole point. All I can hope is that one day I'll wake up, listen to the birds chirp as the sun sneaks it's tendrils into my dark room and it'll hit me- I can finally breathe again, I'm finally over him.

Right now? I can't imagine not being helplessly in love with him, of a life where his name isn't constantly on the tip of my tongue, where my skin doesn't itch at the prospect of his touch every single second of every single day. I yearn for the day where my body doesn't ache at the knowledge that I'm not on his mind anymore, for the day where he's not on mine. It's one of those situations where I know I need to move on, I want to even, but I have no idea where to even start.

So with a lungful of fresh air and a heart burning like a wildfire, I move my eyes away from the mirror where I know Damon resides. Putting him behind me, where I know he belongs. 

Authors note:

And now you have met the infamous Damon, what do you guys think about him? Sorry about this being posted later in the day. Yesterday was USA's independence day so I didn't have much time to write, as I was busy causing chaos and such. Tell me what you think and please please vote, it really does me the world to me! Thanks for reading! :)