Baited

Chapter 38. Missed opportunities

I knew it was getting late or rather early, depending on how you look at it. I glanced down at the corner of my laptop to see the time read 3:12am but it did nothing to deter me from continuing to read through the hundreds of comments left by users of the site that featured our video.

After the realization that I was deeply, unconditionally and without a doubt in love with Cooper, I re-watched the ending to the video a few times before noticing the comment's section. After clicking on it, I was met with a plethora of positive feedback the video has been receiving. All of whom noticed the chemistry between Cooper and I, leaving me with a feeling of dread and discomfort.

How could I have been so blind when strangers could see it from a simple video? One post after the next asked if we were really just straight best friends or if we were just hired lovers pretending to be straight. It seemed as though no one could fathom what they had watched was the first time we had ever been with each other let alone another guy.

Knowing I needed to get some sleep, I went to exit the site when a user name similar to my own, caught my eye. Cooper and I had been given lifetime memberships to the site with predetermined user ID's. It included our porn stage names and our Model # for the site. I was RobinModel#211. The name that caught my eye was BruceModel#212 and he had commented on the video.

The comment was dated around the time he had moved out. He addressed the overwhelming subject matter of most comments, clarifying that we had both thought we were straight when the video was made and that we were indeed lifelong friends. He then went on to tell his story of how the shoot helped him realize his sexuality as gay and that he had moved away from home. Also that he had told some close friends but was scared to tell his parents. His post set off a chain of supportive responses.

I was pleased to see that at a time when I was not there for Cooper, it appeared he found an outlet. Scrolling some more, it was clear Cooper would log in from time to time to update his "fans" in his ongoing self discovery. His last post was the day after he had finally come out to his parents. The positive and supportive feedback he received left a smile on my face.

Despite their interest in Cooper's story, everyone seemed eager to know what I was up to. It didn't matter what Cooper had posted, someone in the chain of conversation would ask if I was still in the closet or if he and I still spoke. Some went as far as asking if we were still hooking up. Cooper never once replied to those and avoided the topic altogether.

I debated leaving a comment but decided against it. It was already late and I was still mentally scolding myself for not being more in touch with my feelings. I was in such disarray, I knew if I had begun to type, everything going on in my warped mind would spew out of me and onto the comments section. The last thing I wanted was for Cooper to read my true feelings on a porn site. IF I decided to tell him and jeopardize our recently and very vulnerable reconciled friendship, it would be in person.

***

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Are you seriously asking me that right now? We all told you or at least tried to. Plus, they're your feelings, not mine. You wouldn't listen to anyone until you realized it for yourself!"

"Well what the fuck do I do now?"

"I don't know, maybe finally admit it and tell him."

I huffed. "No way that's happening. I just got him back as my friend and he has a boyfriend. I'm not going to ruin that."

"What, his stupid open relationship?" Jessica deadpanned. "I think I may dislike Jeremy more than I disliked Vicky."

"No. I meant our friendship. If he doesn't feel the same-"

"But you told me he almost said it to you but you're moronic stubborn ass self cut him off."

"That was months ago. Doesn't mean he still feels that way and besides, I think he said he thought he was in love with me. Keyword, thought!"

"You're an idiot."

"Remind me why we are friends again?" I asked with a roll of my eyes.

"Because you love me and only real friends are brutally honest with one another."

"Well honestly, you're a bitch sometimes."

"I take that as a compliment." Jessica chirped as she flipped her hair and batted her lashes my way.

"You would." I laughed through chattering teeth."Where the hell is Luke?" I complained. "It's freezing out here."

It was the day after New Years Day. After I had exited the porn site, I tossed and turned for god knows how long until sleep finally won the battle. I was so mentally and physically exhausted, I slept the first day of the new year away. Now, I was with Jessica, standing outside the entrance to the mall waiting for Luke to pick us up. Jessica insisted there would be some amazing sales after the new year and Luke had dropped us off two hours ago. There were no sales at all. Nothing but one long ass return line after the next. No wonder Luke didn't want to join us.

"Here he is now." Jessica stepped forward as Luke's car pulled up. She hopped in the passenger's side and I got in the back.

"Look at all the sales items, Jess." Luke teased. "How ever will we fit them in the trunk?" He continued, earning him an eye roll from Jessica. I laughed from the back seat.

"Shut up, lover boy." Jessica spat at me.

"Lover boy?" Luke questioned as he pulled away from the mall, eyeing me through the rear view mirror.

"Hey Luke?" I rested my elbows on each side of the front two seats with my head in between. "If I told you I was in love with someone, would you be surprised? Like, knowing I'm not seeing anyone and I just randomly-"

"If you told me it was Cooper, no. I wouldn't be surprised at all." He answered before I could even finish.

I sat back in my seat with a huff. "Bullshit." I muttered to myself but they both heard and laughed at my expenses.

"I told you." Jessica added, smirking as she did.

Luke sighed and stated, "If it helps, I'm pretty sure Cooper feels the same. Always has. I think you both always have."

"Thank you!" Jessica shouted. "That's what I've been saying. He's just so damn stubborn. Like, just admit it to him already."

"Like either of you should talk!" I huffed and they both went silent for a moment.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jessica hesitantly asked.

"That you've both been pining for each other since Junior year. Finally, after high school you get together but I have yet to hear either of you refer to the other as their boyfriend or girlfriend." When the tension grew in the car, I realized maybe I shouldn't have said all that.

Luke pulled the car over a few minutes of silence later and I thought he was going to throw me out. He didn't though. Instead he turned in his seat to face Jessica. She looked at him skeptically and then he said, "Spence is kinda right."

Jessica started blushing which shocked me. She almost looks... vulnerable under Luke's gaze. She swallowed and then asked, "w-what do you mean?"

"Well, we never made it official. I know I don't want to be with anyone else. Do you?" Jessica shook her head no, seemingly unable to speak. "So what do you say, Jess?" Luke leaned closer to her, his lips inches from hers. "Will you be mine and all mine? Can I refer to you as my girlfriend?"

Jessica responded the only way she could at the moment and closed the distance between them, linking their lips together. Seeing how happy they were, after all the time they spent wanting to be together, I felt a mixture of joy for my friends but a bit jealous at the same time. It was a discomforting reminder that I was in love with someone who loved me the same once, and I may have missed my opportunity.