Broken texts

~Afraid~

So this one is kinda messy because I dont really know what Im feeling right now....
I hope you are all okay and I love you! Yk Im always here if you need something!
-Lucía
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im afraid
im feeling something
im scared that it'll be over
everything will go back
maybe this is some fresh air?
the calm before the storm?
im somehow okay
still drowning in despair
in a way i have never known
something is there
waiting to be found
to be released and hunt me down
making me go down again
to the bottom of the ocean
the tip of the cliff
to jump off
and never see the light again
i want the numbness back
the comfort of loneliness
of my own demons mocking me
of self sabotaging me
i need the fresh air
and i despise it
i need happiness
and i fear it
i want sadness
but im lost
its a cycle im never getting rid of
a way of reminding me
again and again
that i cant be helped
im just a monster
waiting to be dead