Searching for the Answer

Welcome to Reality

Welcome to Reality

Welcome to reality Michael, the place where everyone you know and love will hurt you. That's right, everyone. You will experience unwavering unique pain accompanied by true malevolence loss and regret. You will grow up in traumatizing conditions. Your grandfather busts your head open, your own mother will sexually abuse you in a tortuous manner. Your father will never be there or teach you a single lesson about being a man. Time ticks on and your youth will fade.

You will never find a person who you can wholeheartedly trust. Your one and only brother will choose to sue you, his closest remaining family for money. He will hate you and manipulate you his entire life for his own monetary gain.

Alcohol will destroy your father's mind and warp your brother's. When you go to school you will make no friends. You will study 7 hours a day and only be made fun of and make others jealous that you are so "smart". At the age of 7 you will contemplate and act on desires of suicide for the first time and unfortunately not the last. Years go by, seasons change, and time ticks on.

When you reach high school you will be in abject poverty having a complete lack of money to support your basic needs. This will make you become subservient to others. You'll spend your whole life alone having achieved nothing. In your early teens you'll cry every night begging for help, but your prayers will go unanswered.

By 16 you will have a developed plan to end your life, but you don't go through with it. As the years pass you always are told to have hope that things will get better, but they won't. By 30 you will be completely alone. No-one will ever truly know how difficult it is to be you and you will never truly trust another individual again.

Your parents will deny you the much needed companionship that accompanies a relationship and will forbid you by all means to have a girlfriend. The first girl you try and build a relationship with will be manipulated by your best friend for his own sexual gain and ego. You'll hurt Michael, you really will.

Your mother will die of cancer after 3 years of battle, you will be 18 years old when she passes before your eyes. Death and funerals will come in abundance as time inevitably ticks on. You'll watch years of your life go by not able to get out of bed.

At 19 you will be committed to a mental hospital for suicidal ideation where you will refuse to eat, dropping below 120lbs at 5 ft 8. Then begins 11 years of cycling through every med on the market in a vain attempt to find not even happiness, just a cessation of the pain, torment, and suffering.

By 30 you'll have spent 3 months in OSH. 1 for yourself, a 2nd added on by your brother's drunken interference, then a 3rd by a counselor the day before discharge. An overarching theme of distrust in all develops when the words you choose to speak ultimately imprison you.

You won't be able to stand the touch from others; your body will literally recoil at any attempt so you'll spend 30 years in fear of any and all physical contact.

You will grow old never knowing what true love is, you can't conceptualize it after the horrors that will plague your mind, body, and soul. It seems like everyone wants to hurt you which makes you question a lot of facets in life but mostly it divulges you into isolation.

Now that you have a brief understanding of the outlook I have on life when attempting to rationalize and summate all the events that have taken place, I would like to further divulge into detail of how I came across this way of thinking.