Searching for the Answer

Mother Dies of Cancer at 53

Mother's cancer

Now, I'm going to break your fucking heart.

For a moment imagine the woman that you had shared your life with for 26 years, the woman that you loved dearly and would do anything within worldly possibility for, gets cancer.

My father called me when I was in Arkansas for the summer of 2011. His statement was, "you won't believe how much weight your mother has lost." Over the phone it was just words, in person it was devastating. When my mother was brought to Arkansas I witnessed exactly what my father had said. I was in the garage when the car that was transporting my mom pulled up. She had to be helped out of the car and needed a walker to walk on her own. Her face was sunken in, her eyes were sunken in, and her voice had changed pitch to a soft tone. This was from the spread of the cancer. Seeing her for the first time in months caused so much pain and tears. She weighed probably 60lbs or less. When we got inside she was helped into the living room recliner while I sat on the couch directly across from her. She asked me "Michael, do I really look that bad?" With tears forming I let them go and replied "yes", she knew I was the only person to always tell the truth. One of the saddest parts is she always thought she was going to get better. In a phone call with her college roommate and best friend she stated that her "legs felt stronger today." She could barely walk a few steps without being overcome with exhaustion and the day after that call she died. It was July 15th 2011. The same day she was born she left, living a life of exactly 53 years.

I remember the day she passed. My father having just arrived from Ohio wanted to make sure that he changed his address for mail to arrive at my grandparent's house, and so asked me to take him to the post office. Prior to leaving for the post office my mother was in the recliner with a few tears dropping down. My father went over to console her by saying "Mommy, why are you crying?" I don't believe she responded, just wiped away her tears after being hugged by my father. I'm not all that spiritual of a person, but in my inner most feelings I believe that the reason for the tears was that she was told or knew then that she had to go soon. Maybe this message was given by an angel of death, Anubis, or God himself, I can't call it, but she knew this would be the last time she would get to see her husband and youngest son in this perception of life.

When we got back from the post office, we thought everything was fine. My mom was in the recliner watching the TV that sat directly across from her as she had been for the past few days. My grandfather was sitting on the couch across from her so me and my father joined him. Shortly after we got situated my brother pulled up into the driveway and got out of his car carrying flowers he had bought for my Mother's birthday. He came late afternoon because he worked nights. When he got out of the car I went outside and told him, "you may have to check mom's pulse." The years of physical abuse had made me incapable of handling human touch so I couldn't check for myself. My brother responds "oh" nonchalantly as he walked inside over to my mother and, said "happy birthday." He outreached the flowers for her to grab, but she didn't respond.

After my mother didn't respond to my brother he tried to touch her awake, but to no avail, she was dead. My grandmother followed after my brother to determine for herself, and after touching my mother's arm she told my grandfather. "Harold, she's cold as a stone." My grandfather on the couch broke down in tears. "Is she really gone?" he asked, then proceeded to cry in in as the realization set in.

We called the hospice nurse and the funeral home, both arrived within minutes. I watched the nurse pull into the driveway and walk up. I let her inside and she walked over to my mother and touched her lightly and accepted the fact that Melissa was gone. She then went around one by one giving hugs to us all even though for me that was the worst possible thing she could have done to provide comfort. The next minute the funeral director arrived with a stretcher and a body bag. They placed her into the bag on the stretcher, zipped it closed, and put a single red rose across her chest before taking her away forever.