Elysia in Another World

Ch1 Reincarnation, P2

Chapter 1: Reincarnation (2)
~1.2~
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I am Elysia. For eons, I have lived, died, and reincarnated. And endless circle of transmigration. I have transmigrated so many times that it's hardly worth counting anymore.

But I did count. What number was Shiori Sakaguchi?

1567.

Suzuka...

I feel as though I lost part of myself that day.

I have gained and lost much over my many lifetimes. I have had many names and lived many very different lives. I have been born into many cultures and seen so much diversity across so many worlds. Mortals are truly a spectacle to behold. But, their short fleeting lives are nothing but suffering.

A mortal is born, they live several decades usually, then they die. They leave everything behind. Their families, loved ones, and even their memories.

Immortals carry it all. Usually, we enter a new life with no memories or even an idea of who or what we are. We spend a life as a mortal, die, then return to the nexus with that identity permanently etched into our souls. We leave behind families and loved ones, but not our memories. The pain of losing loved ones time and time again is... nothing short of torture.

Every once in a long while, I run across a familiar soul, though since I usually don't carry my memories... I don't recognize them until after I die and leave them again.

I have lived many lives, but a few stand out to me as especially difficult. My life as Shiori Sakaguchi was difficult. No parent should ever have to see their child die... yet I killed my daughter. I did so to prevent her from walking further down a dark path, and used Reorigination to do so, but that doesn't make it any better.

In my life as Catherine Lancet, I had to watch as all my friends died on the battlefield. What number was that?

6,175,342.

We were overwhelmed, but I had the mana of an immortal. I obliterated the enemy... and myself. Eve reprimanded me for suicide again afterward.

In my life as Elise Arbelle, my siblings and best friends were taken from me and turned.

Life 20,000,000.

That life was a different kind of difficult. I was made to watch everyone be turned into monsters. I don't want to even think about what happened next.

So many lives, so many people I grew close to and had to say goodbye to.

I just died again. What number was that?

...24,985,615.

Since my life as Shiori Sakaguchi, I met Sayaka again a few times. Every few thousand lives, I find her again. Sometimes I don't know until after I die and recover my memories... and recognize her mana from my memories. We've fallen in love over again a few times, but the ones where we don't hurt a lot after-the-fact. Her true name is Maya. I have not yet seen Suzuka again.

My daughter.

I rarely have children. I'm not romantically interested in men as much as I am in women. I'd say it's about a 90-10 split in favor of women. So, I rarely have the occasion to have a child. Even if I don't carry my memories, I always love my children, and I miss every one of them when I'm in between and have my memories.

I ask after every death that I get to see Sayaka, Suzuka, or any other loved one in the future and that my chance to make things right with Suzuka will come. Here I am again, standing before the goddess.

Eve the Primordial.

On a white stone throne sat a familiar silver-dressed, rainbow-haired, rainbow-eyed woman leaning to one side with her head propped up with one hand.