34: "The Holiday Hangover: A Troubling Foreboding"

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Golden Week, which had seemed both very long and painfully short, eventually came to a close, and school began again. Finally, I can get some distance from Rosé. Rosie had spent nearly the entire Golden Week at my apartment. I’d said it was okay, was grateful she had made our delicious meals, and was happy to spend time with the girl I loved. But ever since the day I had told Rosé about my troubled past, my feelings for her had only grown, and now I found it almost impossible to calm my turbulent emotions.

I trusted Rosé wholeheartedly. I spoiled her, certainly, but in a way I also took advantage of her, testing the limits of her emotional fortitude. And knowing I was the only one allowed to touch her sent my feelings into overdrive.

Really, I thought, I deserve some kind of award for self-control. If only I didn’t have to hold back, I bet I could ask her out. I might even get a good answer—

I had been so accepting of Rosé, but I knew I didn’t have the guts to tell her how I felt. Just the thought of her rejection made me want to curl up and die. I knew I was a coward, too afraid to make a move. But perhaps I was even more afraid of what might happen if she didn’t reject me, if by some chance she felt the same way about me. I didn’t think I was good enough to be her girlfriend.

…I’ve got a lot of work to do.

I couldn't do anything about my face, but I wanted to improve myself wherever I could--physically and mentally. At least enough so no one would talk behind our backs when I was with Rosé--enough so Rosé wouldn't be ashamed of being with me. And even if it turned out Rosé didn't like me that way, it didn't hurt to try. I'd never get anywhere if I didn't give it my best.

As I made up my mind to ask Chanyeol, the lean, athletic track-and-field star, for some training recommendations, I passed through the school gates and reached the shoe lockers, where I caught sight of a familiar face.

"Morning," Jennie was groggily changing into her indoor slippers. She gave a puzzled frown when she saw me. "...What's with that face?"

"That's my line," I said. "And anyway, what face?"

"Well, umm... How do I put this? You look like you've made a big decision. You finally decided to tell her how you feel?"

I gave Jennie an incredulous look. "Hmph. Yeah, right!" But my friend hadn't been that far off the mark.

Jennie stared at me with genuine curiosity. "Huh, well then, what is it? I thought there would have been some kind of progress by now."

"P-progress? All right, look--"

"I was sure you'd finally stopped being a scared little girl and decided to approach her like a woman for a change."

"Damn, no need to be an ass! Anyway... I was just thinking about how I have a lot of work to do if I'm ever gonna get Rosé to like me back," I complained to Jennie.

"Hmm. In other words, over the break, after we went to karaoke... something did happen! You're really going for it, eh?!" Jennie chuckled.

I couldn't think of a clever comeback, so Jennie slapped me on the back as she laughed. "Well, I know you hate me prying, so I'll let you off the hook... But if there's anything I can help you with, I will, okay?"

"Jennie..."

"And we can think about double dates, okay?"

"Ah, so that's what you're really after," I joked. I knew Jennie was only trying to lighten the mood.

Jennie cackled and smacked my back again. "Yeah, that's the dream, huh...?" Humor was Jennie's way of cheering me up.

I smiled at my friend, feeling just a little bit more optimistic. "Whatever you say."

When Jennie and I reached our classroom, there was some kind of clamor going on. The commotion wasn't directed at the two of us, but the lively atmosphere was so different from normal that I couldn't hide my bewilderment.

After a long break, it was normal for the classroom to be bustling with stories of vacation, but today it was filled with a different kind of noise—the bustle of people passing rumors. I strained my ears to listen in as I unloaded my bags at my seat—and it seemed they were all discussing Rosé.

"I heard that Rosé went on a date the other day with a cool-looking girl!" What I overheard made my cheek twitch violently.

We'd gone to crowded places, so there had always been a possibility that someone would see us. But I had never imagined it would literally become the talk of the classroom. I didn't mind the part about the girl being cool-looking, but the rest of it immediately set me on edge.

Jennie had obviously overheard the same thing and was sitting there doing a very bad job of not smiling. I would have liked to give her a good punch in the arm.

As they whispered about the rumors, all the girls kept glancing over at Rosé. "I heard they were strolling around arm in arm, and she was wearing a smile no one's ever seen at school before... It must have been the girl everyone was talking about at the start of the year."

"She says she’s not dating anyone, but there’s no doubt now…”

Rosé, who had come to school early, as always, was preparing for first period. She either didn’t realize the rumors were about her, or more likely, she did realize and was trying to ignore them. She had to be used to the attention, thanks to her beauty and grace, but that day there were more than the usual number of eyes peering in her direction, filled with questions. And aside from the curious stares of the girls, she was getting looks of dead despair from the boys.

If it bothered Rosé, she certainly didn’t show it. She stubbornly maintained her usual angelic demeanor. Eventually, a few of the girls in the class couldn’t contain their curiosity any longer and gingerly approached her. “Hey, hey, Rosé?” one of the girls asked timidly.

Rosé slowly batted her eyes. “Yes, did you need something?” She was acting like she had no idea what the girls wanted. “Well, the other day, I think I saw you walking through the shopping mall with a cool-looking girl."

“Yes, I did walk through the mall,” Rosé confirmed. A wave of murmuring went through the class.

Obviously, everyone had been wondering if the rumors were true. I, at the center of the scandal, felt sick to my stomach.

“Um, so that girl… What kind of relationship…?”

“What kind of relationship do we have?” Rosé interrupted. “Well, if I had to say, I think calling us friends would describe it best.”

I was glad Rosé had answered honestly, but my stomach still felt like it was tied in knots. My classmates continued to mutter among themselves. I wished they would all just mind their own business, but there was little I could do about it. Several people in class seemed very relieved by Rosé’s answer, undoubtedly for different reasons than mine.

“So it wasn’t a date or anything?” Lisa asked.

“A date…?” Rosé thought for a moment. “Well, when I consider the definition of a date, I think it counts.”

It was not the answer I had been expecting. In the strictest sense, a date was when two or more people picked a place and time to meet up, so she wasn’t exactly wrong… But it was pretty obvious that was not what the girls had meant.

The small crowd shrieked as their excitement peaked. From my perspective, it seemed like since time immemorial, girls loved getting excited about other people’s love affairs. Normally I didn’t concern myself with that kind of chatter, figuring it was just what girls did. But this time, I couldn’t ignore their gossip—because I was at the center of it.

“S-so what are you saying…?”

The same girl who had asked the previous questions inquired again. Her voice trembled with a mix of curiosity and hope. Rosé glanced at me for a split second. That look, gentle but filled with hints of passion, left me momentarily breathless. By the time I got ahold of myself, Rosé had already turned away.

Now Rosé wore a gentle smile, full of warmth and affection, and clasped her hands in front of her breast, as if she were tightly holding on to something very precious. Her answer sent the class into chaos, and it shook me to my core.

“We’re not dating, but to me… she is the most important person on earth.”

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