56: Kiss mark

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Word Count: 2,262

It had been one month since Rosé and I started dating. I, who hadn't even kissed anyone before, still wasn't sure how I was supposed to initiate physical contact with her. We had held hands and hugged each other, but we hadn't taken it any further than that. Even though we had embraced the other day while I was shirtless, nothing else had happened. I was sure that if Jennie somehow heard the story, she would subject me to plenty of teasing. Of course, I didn't agree with Jennie's judgment on the matter.

I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but I was also afraid of moving forward. If she rejected my advances, or if I hurt her and made her cry, I was certain I would never recover from it. And I was terribly worried that she would think less of me.

I glanced over at Rosé, who was sitting beside me. The day after she said it was alright to touch her, she was fidgety and restless. However, several days had passed since her remark, and perhaps she understood that I wasn't going to try anything, because she had gradually returned to her usual demeanor.

Even I thought it was weird that I was feeling more awkward than her, but in the end, I couldn't help being nervous.

"...Is something the matter?" Rosé asked, apparently noticing my gaze. She looked confused, not seeming to have noticed my internal conflict.

"N-no, I was just... Well, I don't know how I'm supposed to touch you, Rosie."

I added quietly that I wanted to, but not carelessly, a statement that sounded weak as soon as I said it. Rosé's eyes widened as she recalled what had happened the other day, and her gaze shifted nervously. Apparently, she hadn't been thinking about it at all. Her reaction made me laugh.

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked.

"...Is that something you should ask me?" Rosé replied.

"W-well, you're the one getting touched, right? I don't want to do anything you don't want, and I'd like to be as gentle as possible toward you."

I preferred to avoid rushing ahead and acting solely on my own feelings because I knew that my conscience would never let me rest if I made Rosé uncomfortable. My parents would certainly reprimand me if they ever found out. Precisely because this was my first relationship, and there was no room for error, I knew I should be as considerate as possible. I didn't want to hurt Rosé or make her cry. I wanted to grant all of her wishes.

With my heart set on that, I stared back at Rosé, who squirmed as if she wanted to run away but then leaned against my shoulder.

"I-it's fine; you can do whatever you like," she said. "Just don't tickle me or pinch my belly."

"...You don't have anything to pinch, do you?" I teased.

"Well, I do keep a close eye on my figure, but whether or not I have anything extra there, people generally hate getting their bellies squeezed by their partner."

"Well, I don't plan on doing anything you would hate, but... um, is it really okay?"

"I told you... It's fine."

Rosé had stated definitively that I could do as I pleased, but still, maybe she felt there was something a little scary about allowing me to touch her however I wanted, even if I was her partner. Through the shoulder that she was leaning on, I felt a slight shiver run through her body. I was happy she accepted me, but on the other hand, I knew I would have to be careful because it would still be problematic if I was pushy about it. I really wanted to touch her but didn't know what to do, so after puzzling over it for a long ten seconds, I gently pushed her up from my shoulder and embraced her, trying to wrap myself around her whole body.

I could tell that her small frame was shaking and curling up with surprise inside my arms, so in an effort to relax her, I patted her back with gentle, deliberate movements to calm her down. I didn't want to frighten her, and with that in mind, I touched her with careful gestures. Rosé relaxed and leaned against me.

"...You don't have to worry; I won't do anything more," I assured her.

"I-I'm not particularly scared... Just, well, first I'm embarrassed, and... I was expecting more, I guess," Rosé whispered weakly as she nuzzled her cheek against my chest, causing me to tremble in response.

"...Y/N, I know you really love me, and that you've been cherishing me like some treasured object, but... I want to really feel your love," Rosé expressed, her words melting my heart. Although she always radiated cuteness, she unconsciously hit me with an extra-large helping, and my head started spinning.

If I wasn't careful, I was going to grasp her tightly and never let go, so I had to bite my lip hard and suppress that urge.

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