The Forgotten One

Chapter thirty

I heard the harsh wind and rain from my window as I laid down on my bed, Mickey resting on my stomach. It was Sunday so that meant lazy day for me. I sighed as I stared at my beige ceiling, I hadn't painted anything in so long and I had missed it. Everything was so crazy that I haven't had a moment of peace. I got up from my bed and decided I was going to do something for myself for a change, with no distractions. I decided to wear some old clothes so that I can just throw them out in case they get dirty. I placed my hair in a neat bun and grabbed my paint brush and palette, I squeezed the paint on to the palette and smiled.

I dabbed the paint brush on the palette and started to paint the walls of my bedroom. I crouched down and the stem of the flower, putting small green leaves as I cocked my head and smiled. Then for the flower, I painted my favorite, a rose. I heard Mickey bark as I looked down at him, his nose was painted red from dipping head in the palette. I giggled and patted his head. I wanted to paint something else instead of a flower. Something personal. I bit my lip and decided to paint Nate and Jasper but with different skin color and eyes. I needed a memento of them. To remind me that they remembered me and loved me.

After two hours, I was done painting them. I placed the paintbrushes in my clay red cup. Then I sat down on my bed, cross legged and just stared at the painting. The two people who mattered most to me. I smiled as I casted my eyes down and looked at my painted hands. Full of color and wonder. Unlike me. I was dull and wonder less. I was a toxic person to everyone around me, I ignored Nate's rules to go outside and fell in love with a boy who I'm terrified to be with. I've made mistakes left and right. Cost us our memories and now I might possibly cost us our lives.

It's an endless cycle, I say I ruin lives, then Nate or Jasper always says something to lift up my spirits. It never stops. I don't know what kind of person I am. Why am I on this earth for if I was just suppose to be hidden away and cause pain? Nate has been my keeper forever, he never once complained, rarely ever got sick, it was like he was a robot only here to protect me. Jasper fell in love with a girl who was terrified of the world, who would be discriminated; who was afraid to get caught. It wouldn't stop, the clock will forever tick and I will forever be trapped. I needed it to stop.

It felt like I was hypnotized as I slowly got up from my bed and opened the drawer, grabbing the big scissors that I used for my paper art and held over the wrist where I was suppose to be normal. Where I was suppose to have the mark where I was suppose to have a name but instead it was an empty space. A mistake. That's what I was. And that's what I will always be. I placed the blade in a vertical line on my arm and saw the blood gush out of my arm like a river. I did the same to the other arm. I felt myself getting dizzy as I fell to the ground and looked at the painting I created. The love that I put into it. The love that they had for me and all I did was cause pain.

Mickey was barking hysterically beside my ear. But I couldn't hear him. I didn't want to hear him. I wanted to end it. I believed I had thought of suicide at one point, before I met Jasper. I just remembered Nate crying over our parents and I always blamed myself, I thought if I had gone away for good, Nate would be happy. I feel right doing this, Nate would be free from me. He can do whatever he wanted. He'll have the best life without me.

I smiled as I looked at the painting. And that's all I looked at. Not even hearing the screams that suddenly came into my room as I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume me.