The Heart Wants What It Wants ✔️

Ch. 47

I sat on top of my apartment building. From here, I could see the park where the little children played with the snow. They had such happy and care free looks on their faces. I envied that a lot. I wish things were back to the not complicated style.

I was still replaying everything that had happened in my head. I ran out of that café without hearing Jaxon's reply. I was too scared to hear what he had to say. I got on my bike and drove all the way back home.

I told Emma and Mali that I can't come, so they said that they'll be coming over. They and the other two boys were curious as to why both Jaxon and I suddenly couldn't come.

I felt the familiar pang in my chest as I think about him. Even his name brings up painful thoughts and feelings...

I laid down on the snow covered roof top. My head was swarming with so many thoughts. Wasn't Christmas supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year? Then why have these past few weeks been terrible. Christmas was coming up and nothing good has happened yet. First Chris gets sick, then he leaves, then Emma, Mali, and Tyler will all be gone for the holidays, and now this thing with Jaxon. Just when I thought that my Christmas can finally be happy and not lonely...

I heard the door to the rooftop open, signalling someone was here. I didn't bother looking. I had a pretty good guess who it was.

"Harley?" Mali's face appears above me

"Hi..." I smile lightly

"Har...what happened???" Emma sits next to me and Mali follows her actions.

"Jaxon says he likes me...he "wants" me." I say softly

"Isn't...Isn't that what you want?" Mali asks

"I've wanted it for so long, but..." I trail off

"But?"

"But I've moved on...I guess..." I mumble the last part

"What?!" Both of them say in shock

"Since when?" Emma asks

"Since...I don't know...Since I realized that nothing will ever be able to happen between us? There's no hope for us. We're just too...not compatible." I sigh "The two of us can't even form a proper friendship, what more a relationship?"

"I guess you have a point...things between you two are really rocky. You're friendship is so complicated because sometimes you're so close and sometimes you're in pain because of him. Things would probably not work out between the two of you if you were in a relationship. You'd be an on and off couple, and that's not healthy." Emma says, but Mal seems to be thinking the opposite.

"Maybe you guys just never get the chance to actually talk and get to know each other. You two have some weird and complicated history that is quite hard to move past from. If you guys actually forgot about what happened and pushed your differences aside, then maybe you two could have a chance to actually see that you like each other." Mali says

"What? Mali-" Mali cuts off Emma

"Hear me out, Em. The two of them are super happy and are actually good ftiends on the rare times that Jaxon and Harley have a steady friendship. The reason they can't maintain this friendship or let it grow to something more is because neither Harley nor Jaxon can move on from the past. Harley can't forget about how much he broke her heart and how he used her and how he didn't care for her. Jaxon, on the other hand, can't forget about his old self. He can't forget his old player bad boy self which causes him to go back to it multiple times and hurt Harley's heart multiple times. If the two actually stopped remembering their past relations with each other, then things could be better for the two" Mali says

"They can't just forget everything that has happened, Mal! Jaxon has hurt Harley many times. He used her, he talked shit about her, he painfully rejected her TWICE, and probably more things. You're telling me that Harley just needs to froget about all that heartache to give the guy a chance? I don't think so. And I also don't think that Jaxon will ever forget his old self. He's never gonna change. He will ALWAYS be that bad boy who breaks girls hearts. That player who is always around the girls that bully and try to bring Harley down. He's never gonna change, Mal. They can't forget about it, and they can't move on from it. It's best if they just stay friends or even better, acquaintances." Emma insists

"You guys are like my left brain and my right brain" I chuckled softly

"I agree with both of you, and that's the problem. I don't know what to do and I don't know which to follow. My mind says to give it up and move on, but my heart says to stay and give him a chance." I sigh

"That's a hard one, Harley." Emma sighs

"Yeah...but whatever you choose, I'll support you all the way" Mal says

"Me too." Emma nods

"Thanks guys..." I sigh and look up as the snow began to fall.

I love these girls, but they really didn't help much. I still don't know what to do or who to follow. Will I listen to my head like what I've been doing the past few months that I've been friends with him or do I finally accept my hearts wants with open arms and listen to what it tells me?

Will I let my heart get what it wants? Or will the mind be victorius again

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If I wasn't able to tell you, then I'll tell you here and now.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in my writing. You've done so much for me. You've all helped me reach my goals and become who I am today. Thank you all so so much for that ❤❤❤

I wish that you (one of the kindest person I have ever met)  will have a very very VERRY Merry Christmas

                                                       ~   All the love, AB