The Heart Wants What It Wants ✔️

Chapter 58

When Tyler came back from his trip, I had planned out so many different options for myself-so many different ways to tell him and ways to not. All these plans had flown away from my tight grasp as soon as I saw him. He picked me up and spun me around in a way that could only remind me of disney princesses.

His wide smile and joyous eyes were all because they saw me. Then I thought of what his look will be when I tell him and my heart cracked even more. It was cracking slowly-trying to hold on and keep itself together. I'm not sure if I love Tyler, but who wouldn't be heartbroken when you have to tell the most amazing guy that you cheated on him with the worst kind of guy.

I gave him my best fake smile and enthusiastic nod when he told me he was taking me out on a date. He planned it before he left because he knew he'd be missing our dates while he was gone.

And so here I am now in a light yellow sundress to fake the happiness, make-up to cover the puffy eyes that couldn't stop crying, and hair well done to show no sign of it being messed up and pulled as I screamed in pain.

Tyler drove up to the lobby and I took a deep breath before walking towards his car. I got in, sat down, and turned to look at him.

He looked at me with such adoration and awe and so so much joy. He sent me a beautiful smile and a peck on the lips.

How could I do that to this sweet and absolutely perfect guy?

"You look gorgeous, Harley." Tyler said with a grin

I smiled and thanked him -kissing him on the cheek which made him smile wider.

God please stop...Stop doing that...Please just be an asshole. I don't want to hurt you who have treated me so perfectly.

He took my hand and lead me to his car. He opened the door for me like an absolute gentleman before getting in the driver's seat.

The whole ride his hand didn't leave mine. He told me about his trip and I listened half heartedly. My mind was so clouded and all my eyes could stare at was at our intertwined hands. My heart aches at how I betrayed such a perfect guy and my brain could only say 'I told you so.' You know what's more fucked up though? I...I didn't feel bad about the kiss. I feel bad for cheating, but I loved every second of that and I'd do it all over again. In that moment, everything felt so perfect and right as if everything was finally in place. I didn't regret kissing and having the best kiss in my whole life with Jaxon, but I do regret cheating on my wonderful perfect boyfriend.

He drove us to a beautiful new and fancy restaurant then lead us to a beautiful candle lit dinner outside by the balcony where we'd be all alone. It was so beautiful -so perfectly done.

"This restaurant is owned by my cousins and I asked if I could take you out on a date here. They happily agreed and gave us the best of the best." Tyler chuckles softly as he pulls  back my chair and helps me sit.

"This is beautiful, Ty, but you didn't have to do this all for me. Some pizza and a big blanket over us would've been good enough for me." I watch him take a seat in front of me with that joyful grin on his face never fading -not yet.

"Only the best for you." Tyler chuckles softly

"Cheesy much?" It was so easy to act like everything was okay-like nothing happened. He didn't have to know. We could move past this without him ever even finding out.

Oh but it was so god damn painful.

The wine came and so did the appetizers. We were never given a menu for some reason, but I didn't speak up about it. How could I disrupt that excited grin on his face as he kept telling me about how his trip made him fantasize about how one day he will take me out on an amazing trip and we'd get lost but we'd have the time of our lives.

Yeah. How could I...

Without us ordering, our food arrived. They uncovered it to reveal our favorite food right in front of us.

"Food here takes time to make and I didn't want you to wait so I ordered it beforehand. I ordered your favorite." Tyler says

I smile widely at him. It was a wide smile -meant to look as if I were overjoyed. I wasn't. All I could feel was shame and pain. God I have never hated myself so much.

I cut through my food and I take a bite. The food was delicious -very well done. It was all perfect. Everything about this was perfect except me. I was the imperfect one here. I was unknowingly the sore thumb. I didn't deserve any of this. I didn't deserve him at all.

I couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't. This guilt was eating me alive from the inside out.

...

I was a time bomb destined to explode.

And so I did.

"We need to talk."

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My Christmas Gift

A/N:

To those of you still out there and reading this book: I thank you all so much. I know it's been almost a year since I updated and I deeply apologize. I guess I just lost the energy to keep writing so I took an unannounced hiatus...for nearly a year xD. I've been trying over and over to get my motivation back but it just wasn't working and all my works were super shitty.

And it's not easy to get motivated and inspired, so it took a while. Thank you everyone for being so patient with me. This 2019 I have BIG plans for my writing career featuring:

The Finishing of But...
The Finishing of The Heart Wants What It Wants
New Better Books!!!

And the biggest surprise of them all will be left a secret.

I hope you all continue to support me through it all :) Thank you and Merry Christmas!

                                      All the love, AB.