The Property Of: Neena Eellante | ✓ |

37. i fought with reny

My mom let Reny back into the house today but she told him not to go into my room unless I asked.

I thought he would've left by now, I would've but he hasn't. It's been about here for about houses, leaning outside the door of my bedroom, he brought his guitar.

He asked if I wanted him to play a particular song and I said I didn't care. He ended up playing, 'Hallelujah.' He didn't sing, he said he couldn't.

I wanted to see him to be honest, not going to lie to myself. He's company has been something I've never really had.

I couldn't bare to let him see me like this. I fell out of my bed, crawling on the ground because it drained my energy too much to walk.

I finally made it to the door and rested my back against it, I could feel the pressure his weight put on the door frame.

It sounded if better from here.

He had asked, "Did your hair fall out?"

I just started crying.

He stopped plucking strings and the door creaked - he put his head against the doorframe, "No one - - I'm not going to look at you weirdly."

"But you will! People fucking say but you can't help but stare and realise how ugly it is."

Reny sighed, "I doubt that."

"Oh yeah?" I challenged, standing up shakily and yanking the door open, his frame fell backwards taking me down with him.

I had winced in pain, everything burned.

He picked me up, scooping me under his arms and carrying me towards my bed. I found myself falling against his hard chest, I got butterflies when I heard his heat beat.

He wore a medical mask as my immune system was so slow. Me getting a cold could end this all.

He looked worried, to be honest I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Do you really think you look ugly?"

I turned away from him and
that was enough of an answer.

He stayed silent before sliding down the wall and sitting on the wall. I lashed out at him, "You've done this fucking before, you cockhead. Do your stupid routine and tell the sick person you think they're beautiful, say something comforting- -"

Reny arose and walked towards the door, "Who cards if I tell you, 'you are beautiful'? You're the one who has to believe it, you're the one who has tell themselves."

I had pulled a cousin close to my chest, "it just helps if someone else helps you confirm it..."

"No it doesn't." Reny picked up his guitar, "Because then someone says shit you'll believe them." He had looked at his watch and my heart ached realising I had pushed him away and he was leaving.

"I'll be back as soon as possible."

Reny didn't come back for four days and four days were a lifetime for me.