Thoughts

dying in paradise

I am living a protected life
I have all I need
But not myself
I've lost my confidence
I don't know since when
And now I am falling deeper into a deep black sea of negative thoughts

Yeah I am dying in paradise
Dying while I am living a normal life
Dying in the sunset
Drowning in insecurity

Yeah I am falling because of myself
The bad person I think I am
The things I think I did wrong
I told myself" you're nothing"
"No , all you do is more than wrong"

I am afraid of mistakes
I don't wanna fail
But all the thoughts about being wrong, it doesn't help

Yeah I am dying in paradise
I am killing myself
Dying while I try to be ok
But my mask falls
This time my smile seems faked

Yeah I am dying in paradise
While I am trying to be ok
I am afraid of all these mistakes
I may make

Social phobia
Depression
You told me I am too anxious
I look depressed
I am afraid you could find out
That all these things are true
And I am just another one , who fell because of their own thoughts

I know I am wrong , I am better than I think I am
But I can't escape
I can't believe in this paradise , the paradise that could be mine
The paradise I was born in
The paradise that's my normal free life

I am growing up normally
And still I taught myself
How to think worse than it will ever be

Yeah I am dying inside
But I wanna smile
'Cause I've got no reasons for the way I am thinking
It's hard to explain

But believe me when I say I am fine
I believe it's ok to say it 'cause somewhere  I am feeling alright
Today I am fine
Today the feeling of being wrong feels alright

I think I am not good enough
I'll never be
My passion is nothing
And my writings are average
I never gonna succeed
I will never achieve my aim
no,  I am just who I am

Yeah I am dying in paradise
Because I blame myself for being who I am

My mind was built colorfull and bright
Fulfilled with ideas
Bridges that could have led me into another world
But this paradise is gone

I am losing myself
The black ash from the light wings I once had
I've unlearned to fly
So why should I still need my wings
I am throwing all away

I killed myself
I am afraid anyone will notice
But what is , if they don't
I am at the point where I think you're right
How long can I still stand it
The feeling of a deep painfull void

Yeah I am dying in paradise
Maybe it can be colorfull again
But I know I need help
And that I am who I am
It's ok
Actually it's great