Thoughts

not enough

I am not good enough
No , now it's confirmed
You saw my grades and said you don't know how to go on
I know,  you don't define by your grades
But they select your future
It's unfair ,indeed

Yeah I am your despair
I am just not good enough

You asked me what I want to do in my future
I said that I don't know

You said I look like nothing bothers me and that it can't be like that
But I gave up a long time ago
So I don't care about any of them all

All I am still doing is breathing and starving
The basics of being alive

What is a good age to die?
Tell me a date 'cause I am ready for an end

Last goodbye , last time to cry
Believe me when I go- I am fine
'Cause for living I am not good enough

I am just another person with big dreams and low hope
But I know they'll never come true
I don't know how to try
'Cause every time I tried to try , I failed
I even failed by trying to be myself

I don't know what to do with myself
But there are many ways to die in my mind
I am just not good enough to finally give up

My last goodbye ,my last try
But I am not good enough to be brave and to give up

Yeah tears are dry
All I am still feeling is rage
I'd love to complain but I forgot how to talk about things that I  can't change

Yeah I am numb
With so much rage
I'd love to burst out
But I can't

I am not under control
I lost myself
In a sea full of void

I am just not good enough
How to live my life while knowing that I can't

I can't
No I just can't

But what can I do instead?
'Cause nothing seems worth to go on

Why shall I try
There's no sense behind

Living is what everybody does
Dying is too
But both isn't me
On which stage am I?
Do I even breath?

I am just not good enough
To remember what I should appreciate
But I know that it's impossible to appreciate myself

I am on a stage where I don't know how to go on
And that although it's the time to make choices
To decide where I wanna go

Yeah I despair on my own
And we both are the ones suffering because of that
I am sorry that I can't be your pride

Yeah I am disappointed by myself
But who isn't disappointed by themselves?

When I am honest
I no longer want to listen
Everyone got annoying for me
All there habits and their behaviour
All I see
It's annoying for me

I am sorry for my friends
But I'd love to be alone
I'd love to die in silence
'Cause I am not in the mood to smile and listen to your problems

Not even my best friends are the ones I'd like to be souronded by

No I am not good enough
Not even to be a good friend
But if I was
I'd hurt myself 
'Cause my mind screams of all the favors I do for them all

I am tired of trying
Tired of trying to make friends
I am tired of being myself

I am just not good enough to know what to change
Yeah I began to hate life
Not my life
Living in general
All the pain that's associated
And the people who have to adapt to the others

The world is cruel and the peoples are too
Maybe I should just go

But not in heaven or hell
No I really want an end

Being numb
But I am not dead inside
'Cause there's just so much pain
embraced by rage

I am just not good enough
I can't express what I feel
Numb and rage

Being myself
I hate who I am
But that's just the age

Let me just die in peace
And you know I lived well

No, I am really tired
I really want to stop
So many years are left
But I am still not finished yet

Farwells and tears
I am not brave enough to write my real thoughts down

So don't worry
Without any letters I won't go

I am not even good enough to tell the truth
I am sorry I know I am supposed to change
I need to change or it's certain that my life is the 'cause for my pain