Transcendence (A Muslim-Christian Story)

Chapter 28: Divulge

Ever since Sebastian started picking us up before work, it was as if he was there with us most of the times.
In the mornings, he'd come up and join us for breakfast, sometimes even helping dress Isa since Isa almost always woke up in a mood.
I packed lunch for all of us usually.
And in the evenings, after work we'd all go to the park and then he'd usually join us for dinner as well.

It was Saturday evening and we were sitting in the park as usual, the three of us.

Isa was playing with two little boys whom he had befriended not too long ago.

Sebastian and I were sitting on the picnic mat, observing him from afar.

Suddenly he comes running towards us. "Mama! Mama!" And he leaps into my arms.

"What is it, Isa darling?"

"Mama, Tommy ask where my Daddy?"

Sebastian and I exchanged looks.

"What did you tell him then, Isa darling? I asked him softly

"That I don't know."

"Isa, my dear, do you know what does daddy mean?"

He looked at me, confused. "No, mama!"

"So don't worry about it my dear, mama is enough for you. Okay? Mama loves you very much, my Isu darling." I hugged him, while a tear slid from me eye.

"Now, go play. And if they ask you again, just say 'With Allah' okay?"

"Okay, mama!" And he ran back towards him.

I knew that sooner or later Isa would ask this question, but I hoped it was later. At least for now, I'm safe.

I wiped the few tears that had rolled down my face.
I turned to find Sebastian wearing a pained expression.
I returned my gaze towards Isa.

We both remained silent.

"He said his name was Mark. He had blond hair and green eyes."
I glanced back at Sebastian and then continued, "When Isa was born, with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes, though he looked nothing like me, I was overjoyed that he looked nothing like that man either."

After a pause, Sebastian spoke.
"Amy, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Did you ever report him?"

I sighed. "No."

"Why not? He deserved to pay for his crimes, Amy. To rot in jail forever!"

"Sebastian, I was traumatized. I lost all will to speak. I wore multiple layers of clothes while it was blazing hot outside. I had completely lost my sanity. I couldn't fathom being examined head to toe, like a specimen in a laboratory. I didn't let anyone near me, let alone touch me. Everyone said I was being selfish, "What if he goes and harms someone else?" But at that point, I had to be selfish, I had to survive.
It's very easy to make assumptions about what they'd do if they were, God forbid, in my shoes, but it's something beyond our wildest imaginations. You can never imagine it, unless you've been through it." My voice was laced with anger.

"I'm sorry, Amy, if I hurt you in any manner. I really am."

I tried calming down a little. "It's okay, Sebastian. I've moved on. I've already wasted a lot of my time on him. I didn't speak for 5 months, Sebastian. 5 months!"

We remained silent for a while.
"What would you do if you ever meet him again, Amy?"

"I don't know, Sebastian. But I'd like to ask him one thing, 'Why?'
All I did was help him, not once, not twice but thrice! 3 times, Sebastian!! He was a complete stranger to me, and I expected nothing in return. But he didn't let me return empty-handed. He gave a truckload of scars, enough to last a lifetime."

Tears were streaming down my face.

"You know, I mistakenly entered his room, and he didn't let me leave. He kept asking me to help him with stupid stuff, like picking up the pen under his bed and sewing his shirt's button. Then he cut his forearm so I bandaged the wound. I was so naive, so stupid. I didn't even realize he was probably doing it all on purpose. And then he went ahead and accused me of approaching him intentionally, with the intent of seducing him because apparently he was some hotshot businessman. And then when I finally stormed off to leave, he pushed me and and...."
I started sobbing uncontrollably. This time it was as if I was reliving it all again. I thought I had gotten past it when I told it all to mama, but it felt like I was losing control over my feelings again.

He pulled me in an embrace and I didn't fight it, I couldn't. I felt broken again. Internally, at the back of my mind, 'Haraam' sirens and prayers of forgiveness were working simultaneously.

We stayed that way for I don't know how long, me on his lap with his right arm embracing me and his left hand pressing my head to his chest.

"It's okay, Amy, he's not here anymore. See, it's only you and I." He said patting on my back.

I still couldn't stop crying. The images just won't stop. It was like on replay.

He lifted my chin up with his left hand, still embracing me with his right and wiped away my tears.
"Amy, Isa is heading our way. Now, I want you to be strong for him. Don't you want that as well?"

I nodded, trying to control my sobs.

"Good girl. Now take a few deep breaths and calm down, okay?"

"O-okay."

Isa came and stopped in his tracks. "Mama?" He gave a quizzical look.

I was still sitting on Sebastian's lap. Of course he'd be wondering what's his mama doing in his rightful place.

In a hurry to get up, I stepped on my skirt and fell flat on my face.

"Ouch! Bismillah!"

And then I heard both those idiots giggling.