Finding Hope

10

Ashley's POV

Tommy has been acting more than distant within the past few days. I'm not sure if it has to due with Logan waking up and losing his wolf or if it's something I've done.

I feel like it's me.

I shouldn't care what he thinks either but it eats at me to know that he's not near me or spending time with me because of something I may have done.

It just doesn't feel right knowing he's not next door willing to speak to me. In fact I don't even know if he's still staying at the house. I feel like I've ruined something and I'm not even sure what it is that I've ruined.

"Why the long face?" Bash asks as he enters the kitchen and I shake my head while keeping my hands around my mug. "Well you have to tell me now." He adjusts Milo in his arms and I take a deep breath.

"Oh it's a long story Lilo." He teases before placing her on the counter and handing her a bottle. "C'mon tell me."

"I feel like Tommy hates me." His face goes blank before twisting into a smile.

"I've never heard something so far from the truth kiddo." He laughs. "Tommy is just going through some stuff, he definitely does not hate you. In fact, I think he loves you more than you think."

"But he won't hang out with me anymore and now every time he sees me, he avoids me like I'm the plague. Bash you have to find out what's wrong."

"He's not avoiding you because he's mad. Please trust me and just continue on with your day."

"Then what's the reasoning Bash?" I argue back and he takes a deep breath.

"How many times do I have to tell you to trust me? The kid loves you, he isn't ignoring you."

"Love you." Milo giggles and Bash leans down to kiss her cheek.

"Yes I love you so so much." He squeezes her to his chest before looking back at me with warning in his eyes as if to say I better not fight him on this.

"I'm sick of nobody sticking around Bash. It's bad enough I'm mateless, I just want the people who I love to stay in my life."

"You aren't mateless." He picks Milo back up and pats me on the head. "Just oblivious to the people around you who all know you have one."

"That doesn't make any sense!" I call after him.

"I'll tell Tommy to come find you. You can hang out tonight, have fun."

"Wait what!" I shout back and he points to Milo as he steps onto the stairs.

"Shhh it's nap time. Go find lover boy."

Lover boy?

I'm sick of his bullshit.

For him to just be so flippant about it as if he knows it's gonna be fine. He's not a psychic. He doesn't know these things.

I know that he waited years to find Jen and that those were some of the longest years of his life, so why isn't he understanding of what I'm feeling? I can't even mope around with Logan anymore because his situation is so much worse and if I complained to him I'd seem like an asshole.

There's just been so much chaos in this house, but to be completely honest with myself, my problems are not even worth being brought up since they are so tiny compared to everyone else's.

So for now I'll just keep quiet.

"Why do you look like someone killed a puppy?" Logan enters the room after sometime and I notice Tommy standing behind him. "Did someone?" He adds and I decide it's best to place my cup in the sink and attempt to leave the room.

"Where you going?" Tommy grabs at my upper arm and I shrug.

"For a walk."

"I'll come with." He offers and I shake my head.

"It's okay, stay with Logan. We can hang out another time." I try to convince him but he's not buying it.

"Logan you'll be fine if I leave you for a few minutes right?" Tommy asks his older brother who is tearing through the kitchen.

"Look at that, I'm free." He looks back down at me and I take a deep breath.

I guess he isn't avoiding me.

"So how have you been?" He asks as we step outside and I take a deep breath.

"I'm doing well, how about you?"

"I'm doing good, but you should tell me what's wrong?"

"I never said something was wrong Tommy." I place my hand on his chest to stop him from walking any further and he raises an eyebrow.

"I can feel it Ash. I know something is wrong."

"No you can't Tommy. You don't feel anything."

"Ashley how many times do I have to explain to you that I understand what you're going through and that I'm here for you? Please just talk to me. Don't box me out."

"As if you haven't boxed me out these past few days?" I rebuttal and he goes silent. "Exactly, you haven't been there at night anymore. Every time I go to say goodnight you're not here and every time I do see you, you'll make a quick exit. Tommy don't blame me for this."

"Logan needs me right now. I have to make sure he doesn't get piss drunk at the bar or get with some random girl because he's so out of it.  I want to be there for you. I'm trying my hardest to balance the two things and I'm sorry that you've gotten the short end of the deal."

"It's not your job to be there for me Tommy, let's not guilt ourselves into feeling bad."

"It is my job to be there for you."

Tommy's POV

"No it's not Tommy. I'm upset that you're not here but that's on me and only me."

"Ashley please just think about everything for a second. Just take a second and go through my whole history between us since I moved into this house. Forgot our childhood stuff, think about recently." I try to remind her of everything, but she just stares back with confusion.

"What do you mean?" She shouts in return and I run my hands through my hair before pacing. There's no good way to try and fix this. It's been months of us going back and forth.

"Think about every night we've spent together or every trip we've gone on. Think about the day the council showed up. The day you cane out of the bunker. Ashley think!" I call back at her and her hands go to her head.

"My hand on your back holding onto you as the council stared back at us. My hands pulling you to my chest the second everything was over. The nights I've spent lying in your bed trying to coax you out of nightmares. The times you've spent crying to me. The car rides together around town."

"Ashley please just tell me you know what I'm saying." I beg and she squeezes her eyes shut as she continues to hold her head in her hands.

"It's there I know it is. I know it's there I just can't!" She screams back as she brings herself to the ground. "I can't, it hurts. Make it stop! Tommy make it stop." Her voices lowers but her cries get worse and I quickly drop down so I'm next to her.

"It feels like my wolf. My wolf Tommy." She pulls at my shirt and I nod.

"I know, I know. It's gonna be okay."

"It's there, it's there I feel it."

"What's going on!" Jen runs out of the house with Bash behind her and I shake my head.

"It's her wolf. I don't know what to do."

"It hurts so bad, make it stop. Tommy make it stop." She screams louder and I look up at Bash and he looks around.

"Her wolf is gonna die." I mind link the two of them and it doesn't take long for Jen to make a decision.

"Mark her! Screw it mark her!" Jen shouts and I shake my head. "You have to do it." She adds and do the only thing I can do

I mark Ashley without her even knowing I'm her mate.