Finding Hope

20

When Hudson arrived at the apartment I expected the chaos to follow. I expected Bash to despise me for my actions and I expected him to come in screaming.

I expected it all.

I didn't expect him to be silent though. But maybe they didn't expect to see me in this state. I don't think they expected any of this. It's been over a day since I left the house and nobody expected any of this.

"Are you ready?" Hudson asks me as he walks into the apartment with Bastian behind him.

"Ready? Of course not." I admit and he looks at a loss for words. "It's not like he didn't send you in here to do the talking for him." I add while motioning to my grand ole fiancé.

"We can talk, but we both know it won't go smoothly." He finally speaks up with his arms crossed over his chest.

"We should talk because it's either we fight here or we fight in front of our child. I'd rather that not be a memory of hers."

"So we can start by mentioning that you left our child and I at that family dinner." He takes a seat across from me on the couch and I try to think of the best way to phrase what I'm about to say.

If I'm nasty to him then it escalates, but if I'm too nice I'll be walked all over like some submissive Luna. I promised myself I'd never be that.

The day I arrived at this pack I told myself that I'd never let a man control me. I would never let a man dictate how I act or how I walk through life. I didn't want to be who my mother was to my father. She sat back and let him run things while she was in the dark about it all. I told myself all of that and yet I've let myself become exactly the thing I despised about my own mother.

"Tell me what the moon goddess said about Milo?" I speak up.

"Hudson go downstairs?" He orders and just like that there's only two of us.

"Why did he have to go?" I ask and he leans forward so he's resting his arms on his legs.

"Because what I'm about to say doesn't need to be anyone's business. It can't be anyone else's business." He looks down at the floor and I feel my stomach start to do flips. Hudson is family and if Hudson can't know what he has to say then I know I won't like what I'm about to hear.

"Milos future isn't visible to her. The moon goddess couldn't see anything past her tenth birthday."

And like that, I feel my whole world stop.

I feel as if every bone in my body has been broken and that I'm living a nightmare. A nightmare where I didn't just lose one child but one where I'm gonna live the next nine years knowing I'll lose another. I'll have to watch every move she makes knowing it could be the last.

"My little girl has an expiration date?" I ask while meeting his gaze and he doesn't respond. I bite my bottom lip and I try to keep it together, but it's getting really hard to do that.

"She said that it's because of the prophecy. She can't see her future because the prophecy comes into effect on that day. That's when it happens."

"When what happens?"

"That other packs learn about her. That inevitably other people start to learn about her and learn that she's going to be the alpha of our pack."

"So we have nine years before people start trying to kill her?" I clarify and he nods. We both sit in the silence but I know there's more to this.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"After I came up with a plan. I wanted to speak to my father and get his advice. It's not really a fun conversation to have. My dad spent my whole childhood hovering over me and making sure I was safe and that was without me being some prophetic child. I needed to wrap my head around the duty I have."

"I'm her mother." I cross my arms over my chest to mimic his positioning. "I'm her mother and she's not just the future leader of the pack. She's our daughter. You're not the only one who has a duty to her. I have to raise her while you're out signing treaties and forming a new council. It's not just an issue for you Bash and I don't know why you're acting like it is."

"It's a slap in the face to know you kept that from me for even a few hours." I add and he stands up from his spot on the couch only to look at the door for a minute and finally sit back down.

"Since you're already speaking to Hudson can you please tell him this conversation isn't over and that we aren't leaving this apartment till you fully tell me everything you're keeping from me. I'll be glad to confess to my shit as well." I decide it's time to make sure we handle all of our issues and he gives me a side eye.

"I'm not stupid I can tell your mind linking him."

"I'm mind linking Tommy who is outside to make sure Milo is okay." He snaps and I realize we clearly can't get along right now and I'm not sure if that's because of my actions or because of the whole situation in general.

"You blame me for a lot and that's fine Bash, but I ran off because if I stayed another second in that house of secrets and chaos I would've done something you'd despise me for. Yet, here I am and I think you despise me regardless."

"I have never been more angry. Not since you ran off to your brothers after our first huge fight. This is the most amount of anger I've felt in my body and I don't know if it's because you acted irresponsibly or if it's because I love you so much that it physically hurts me. I want to throw you against a wall and ask what the fuck you were thinking but I can't because you're you."

"You're the most stubborn woman I've ever come in contact with and yet I spent all of last night digging a grave for my ex girlfriend because of you. I spent all night getting those witches together and giving Iliana the proper burial. I had to stand there with Milo in my arms watching her get a burial because of you. I can't stand you right now, but I still did it." He shouts at me before standing up and walking closer to me.

"I kept the information to myself because if I told you our daughter didn't appear to have a future past ten years old, you would've broken down and I wouldn't have been able to help you out of it. I needed to get the extra answers and I got a few of them. I was outside with my father waiting for more answers and looking for a way to get them. I was supposed to get them right around the time you decided to run off."

"So what are the answers."

"I didn't get them until this morning." He leans back. "The moon goddess asked to meet with the two of us and I explained that I had a bit of a situation going on. She told me to tell you that the only reason she got the extra visions into the future was because of Iliana. When I buried Iliana properly the universe granted us with the extra information."

"And before you tell me that I should've listen to you a long time ago, I know. I should've listened and I'm sorry."

"Did she tell you about me?"

"What about you?"

"The part where I'm sorry." I admit defeat as I feel the tears start to brim. I'm angry and I'm not just angry at Bash I'm angry at the world for everything and I took it out on him when I ran off. I'm sorry for that but I'm also really sorry for keeping things from him.

"I'm sorry for keeping that big of a secret from you for so long. I just didn't know when to bring it up with everything else going on." I shrug while bringing my hand up to wipe away some of the tears.

"Look at me." He grabs at my wrist and I turn my head in his direction. "I couldn't be mad at you even if I tried. You're my everything and you will always be my everything." His hand drops from my wrist and I take a deep breath.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm really sad because I didn't know you were going through that. I went months not knowing that you were going through this. You suffered alone with that and I didn't have a clue. I'm sad and I'm upset at myself and I took it out of you during that phone call." He pulls his arms around me and holds me close to his chest.

"I love you and we are going to make sure Milo lives well past ten years old. Our little girl is going to live a very long life and she is going to be the best damn alpha this pack has ever seen."