Finding Hope

27

"Sebastian do you honestly think that I give people too many chances? That I don't think correctly?" I ask as I step back from Milos bed where we've finally gotten her to go down for a nap.

Our lunch wasn't eventful after Bash spoke his mind to William, but it did feel awkward. It was pretty quiet with the exception of Milo trying her hardest to talk to Bash with the few words she actually can pronounce properly. William sat there awkwardly until I finally let him go back to the pack house. Once he left Logan decided to join us and we sat in the sun enjoying the few moments of peace we could find. It's truly not often that we get time like this. The only reason we were able to is because recently things have been calm.

Of course Tommy is away and Garrett is in hiding to protect himself, but it's been relatively safe. The new council will be meeting very soon and I've stepped up in the role Bash finds fit for me.

"I don't hate you for that opinion, if it's how you truly feel, you've just never said anything like that out loud before." I finish my thought as he places a hand on my back. He leads me out of the yellow room and into our own which is right down the hall.

"Baby it's not a bad thing." He whispers down onto my lips and I shake my head. "It's not bad even though I do mean it. You know I don't say much, but when I do it mean what I say."

"Yeah but that makes what you says even harder to hear sometimes. It's cause I know you mean it." I take a seat at the edge of our bed and he shuts the door before leaning against it.

"I was trained to only take certain aspects of situations into account. Your brother got raised in a similar way." He starts to explain himself. "Most Alphas get raised this way because it makes it easier to separate our feelings from what we need to do. I don't think it's wrong to think this way but it's clear that you didn't get raised that way. You focus on your gut feelings and you look past the facts. You find the reason behind things and I don't care to do that because I seldom have time for that. It doesn't make you any less of a person."

"But it makes me less of a leader?" I ask while mimicking his actions and crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't want to raise our little girl to be a soldier. I want her to have some compassion and to find the reason when she can. Can't you see the value in that?"

"I see it and I love you for it. I love that I have a Luna who is just as intelligent as me, if not more, and who has a heart as big as yours. You're the strongest woman I have in my life and you perform every aspect of being a Luna perfectly. You are everything I could've asked for and I'd be more than happy to have Milo raised to act as you." He walks over from the door and takes a seat next to me.

"I would love for her to be like you, but we both know she can't be." He stares into my eyes and I feel his heart break as he says the words to me. "Her safety is always going to be in jeopardy and I can't have her look for reasons. She has to be quick to protect herself and we have to do the same. That means there's gonna be no time to find a reason during most scenarios."

"She can't be exactly like you, but that won't make her any less caring or generous or loving. She is going to be all of those things and I will make sure of that. I just can't run the pack with your methods. That's why you're my Luna. You balance me out and you do things for the pack that I could never do. That's why we work." He continues to assure me but I can't help but feel slighted. I know that things get done in a certain way, but the thought of my baby girl growing up to interrogate men and kill them is mildly haunting. The thought of a hypothetical son doing the same also has the same effect on me.

For someone who was born and raised a wolf, I really can't fathom some of the stuff that happens behind the scenes. This idea of untrusting the process started when I met the council that dreadful weekend. When I heard how they interrogated people and how it wasn't uncommon for them to humiliate woman, I slowly saw the side I never wanted to see.