Finding Hope

17

"So on a scale of one to ten how much would you kill me if I told you that I don't want to have this dinner?" I ask Bash as he walks into the our bedroom.

"It won't be that bad." He laughs and I give him a questioning look

"As your fiancée and as the girl who loves you, you're an idiot if you think this dinner will go smoothly."

"And why's that? I see my beautiful mate. I can't see anything being bad about a dinner with you, my baby, and my family."

"They're gonna want to know things. They'll want answers." I remind him and his smile falters.

"It's gonna be fine." He bounces back, but I know I've reminded him that there's reason to worry. "And we'll tell them that we are gonna get married and are gonna be everyone's favorite little family. We're gonna talk about the happiness and the joy."

"How can you be so happy?" I ask while pushing my hands down onto the bathroom counter. I look up and he's now in the doorway of the bathroom with a sorrowful look on his face.

"How can you be so happy; when the world always feelings like it's crumbling. How can you be happy?" I cross my arms over my chest. "I just want to know how you can do it."

"I'm not always happy Jen." He gives me a small smile. "I'm just doing my best to make life more bearable for you and Lilo." With that, he leaves the bedroom and I get stuck trying to compose myself.

I got the best guy I could've wished for. I prayed for a mate and I got the perfect one. I'm just unable to be the perfect one for him. I haven't even told him about the miscarriage. I've been a fraud to my own fiancée and mate.

I'm just a liar.

A liar who is keeping secrets because she's afraid of ruining someone else's happiness. I know Bash is happier than I am, even if it's only by a sliver, and I can't imagine taking that small amount of happiness from him.

This dinner is gonna take a lot from me. It's gonna put me in a horrible place but it'll make him happy. I just want him happy.

I quickly tie my hair up in a ponytail before taking a deep breath and heading downstairs where most of the household is gathered.

"Beautiful, you're here." Ashley smiles and I look over to see Bash with Milo in his arms.

"She wasn't too much of a monster was she?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"She actually made the baby conversation easier to have." She admits and I raise a brow.

"You guys had the baby talk?"

"I kinda just spit the words out before I could think and he explained everything to me and it was nice. It was a needed conversation."

Needed conversations.

I could list the needed conversations I need to have, but it'd be a long list.

"That's wonderful Ash." I place a hand on her arm and she nods her head over to Logan.

"Did Bash tell you?"

"No he just got back and we were a little too focused on each other." I keep my eyes on Logan and I wait for her to tell me.

"She said he'd get it back."

"When?"

"Didn't give a specific time or date. She just said that he'd get it back. Claimed that a special someone made it happen."

"Well that special someone deserves a medal because that boy needed that wolf back." I feel my heart beat a little stronger at the idea of my best friend getting back his source of joy. I feel like for a second I understand why Bash was happy earlier.

"Well let's enjoy this dinner." She changed the topic as her parents arrive with Stephanie and Lacey.

"Jenifer you look stunning as always." Bash's mother compliments me as Stephanie zooms past and towards Logan.

"Thank you, you look wonderful as well."

I go through the formalities of saying hello to the family and once we are all seated I feel a sense of relief. I feel myself breathing steadily and focusing on family time; something I haven't done in months.

But deep down I feel like things are being left unsaid by people; that everyone wants to make a comment, but won't.

In fact, I know there's things being left unsaid the second Bash's father excuses himself and my mate follows with Milo on his hip.

"So since they left, can we talk? Can we stop sitting here with secrets? If you guys want to say things, say them." I speak up and Logan smiles.

"I'm gonna get my wolf back. I'm gonna be me again." He announces and I feel the joy radiating from him.

"Milo is beautiful Jen." My mother in law speaks up after. "She looks like she's going to be a very strong alpha."

"Don't worry, we've spoken to the pack doctor. As of right now, we are unsure of the growth. We know she's healthy, but Bash hasn't yet told me what he heard from the Moon Goddess."

"Don't worry he hasn't told me either." Logan rolls his eyes. "He asked to talk to her in private about the Milo stuff, so nobody knows."

"Well I'm sure he'll tell me when he feels it's necessary."

Bullshit; I want to know what he knows and I want to know now.