Finding Hope

19

I made an impulsive decision.

I can't say it's the first time nor will it be the last, but I made a decision that my heart said yes to, but my wolf said no to.

I wrote a note and left it on my desk detailing that I needed space and that I needed to get away from the pack for a brief period of time. I said that I was sorry but that I couldn't do it when it felt like so much was crumbling around me.

So I snuck out the front door while everyone was doing their own thing during dessert and I got into the car and started driving. I started driving myself all the way to the apartment. I planned on flying to the other apartment but that would've been a dead giveaway and that's probably the first place Bash will look.

See, I ran away because I needed a moment that wasn't clouded by everything. In turn I'm sure I won't receive any mother of the year awards, but I had to do it.

Is Bash surely going to come find me within the next twenty four hours? Of course, but that doesn't mean that the past hour in this apartment hasn't been the most calm I've felt in months.

I've been able to sit down and cry.

I haven't been able to fully let myself breakdown for what feels like ages because everywhere I go there is someone. The house is never empty. There is always someone stopping me from fully letting my emotions come forth. It's a shame that I had to come all the way here in order to attempt to heal.

I'm a horrible mother who just wants to protect her daughter, but I'm also a horrible mother who ran away from her pack because she feels incapable of doing anything right.

"Jenifer I know where you are and I'm on my way. I'm trying my hardest to sound calm, but you need to pick up your phone and explain. You need to make it make sense to me."

Voicemail one.

"Jen I wasn't kidding the first time. I need you to call me because I need to know why. I need to know because I love you and you know you can't do these types of things.

Voicemail two.

"That's it, I'm done sounding nice. I'm getting angrier by the second. I know you're upset but this has gone too far. You call me back or I leave you."

Voicemail three.

"I'd never leave you. I just need to hear your voice to know you're safe. If you want space that's fine, but we could've done this in a better way. You know I just want to protect you and I can't do that if you're hiding from me. Please call me back. I'm begging you to please call me back."

Voicemail four.

That one hurt the most.

"Jenifer, where are you?" His voice shouts over the line once he picks up and I take a deep breath.

"I'm fine Bash, I just need to be alone. I need to think on my own and I'll call you when I'm done doing that. I just can't think if you're here or if anyone else is here."

"I'll let you think all you want but tell me where you are." He continues to ask the same question and I feel like I'll be on this call for ages.

"You won't though. I'll tell you and you'll immediate show up and barge through the door wanting to take me back home."

"You're right." He admits. "That's exactly what I would do and I'd do it a million times because we both know that's how things work."

"Is that how things worked with the goddess too? That I just have to understand and get it through my weak little girl brain that somethings I'm not meant to know about? Or maybe that's how you feel about Logan and him getting his wolf back. I'm just supposed to play along, right?" I ask with malice dripping through my tone.

"Jenifer what has gotten into you?"

"Bury Iliana the proper way. Bury her and I'll come home. If you don't, I won't come back and even if you drag me by my hair to get me back I won't speak to you. I won't have anything to do with you because I'm sick and tired of playing along. Bury her or we're done."

"You want me to give the witch a burial after she threatened to kill me and our daughter? I told you I won't do it." He snaps back.

It's hard to heal when your mate doesn't know about your miscarriage and the only female who knew the truth is dead in your prison. It's hard to heal when you still can't get over the fact that someone else almost had your mates first born.

I can forget everything else in the world and it still pains me to know that the universe could've went another way. The universe could've let Iliana have a son and that son would've been the future alpha of the pack. My daughter wouldn't be an alpha nor would she fulfill a prophecy if that was the case.

My life would be painful but it wouldn't have me panicking that my daughter will be killed at any moment.

That's why I won't let this go.

"She had a miscarriage." I scream. "She had one and she lost her son. Do you know what that's like? Do you know what it's like to lose a baby Sebastian? You don't know what that's like and she's gonna get a burial. She's gonna get that burial or I'm calling off any fucking wedding and I'm gonna take my daughter and never speak to you again."

"You're crossing a line Jenifer." I hear him choking out the words through what sounds like him trying to remain calm, but I don't care anymore. "You don't threaten to take the away future alpha of this pack and run off. You don't get to do that even if you're her mother. You don't get to tell me how I should bury my ex girlfriend. You don't know what she went through either. You don't know anything about her other than her past with me. She's gonna burn like the awful witch she is."

"I know exactly what a miscarriage feels like. I know exactly what it feels like to lose a baby. I also know what it's like to go through it without the man you love."

"Sebastian I had one while you were off fighting the council." I whisper it out as I stare out of the large window in front of me. "Now give Iliana a proper burial so I can come home and not want to strangle you for your ignorance."

"Jenifer."

"Please spare me the details of your apology and remorse for your douchebag comment. I want to be left alone for a few more hours."

"I'll have Hudson come get you tomorrow morning."

And just like that I've shoved a wedge in between me and the one man that I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with.