It Started Without Love

Chapter 8

“I’m going home.” They all faced me when I said that. I know they understand me but they refused to do so.

“Yes honey, we’re going home.” Mom said.

“Diba nasa penthouse na ni Liam ang mga gamit ko? I’ll be heading there.” I’m just looking at them like it’s a usual thing to say.

“Anak, you can just stay for a while sa bahay.” Dad offered.

I don’t want to prolong it, doon naman ako titira, di naman pwedeng manirahan ako sa bahay ng matagal.

“There are people who saw me arriving at the airport. It’ll just cause issues to spread if hindi ako uuwi sa penthouse niya ngayon.” I just shrugged their protests off. Ash cursed me but I did not listen. I’m tired of running away. Kung titira ako sa bahay niya, hindi naman siguro kailangang magkita kami palagi. He will be busy with the company. Magiging busy na rin ako sa medschool so it’s just easy to be out of the house.

When we arrived at the parking lot of the penthouse, they helped me take my luggages out.

“Maybe, I’ll just visit you sa bahay. Doon ko na rin ibibigay mga pasalubong ko sa inyo.” I just said it casually like it’s really normal na nakabukod na ako sa kanila.

“Margareth, are you really sure about this? His parents agreed that you can just stay at our house for a while.” Dad worriedly said again. I’m tired of this, I’m tired of everything. I know they want me to be protected from the issues. Alam kong maraming issue ang kumakalat ngayon, especially that Liam arrived weeks earlier than me. Alam kong kumakalat na sa internet ang mga litrato nila together at alam ko na galit ang pamilya niya sa kanya ngayon.

“Arrange a presscon for me Ash.” After saying that, I pulled my two luggages towards the elevator. Di ko na sila liningon hanggang sa sumara na ito.
Alam ko na kung nasaan ang unit niya and I already have the key card for it.
Pagpasok ko sa loob ay walang tao. Maybe he is still at the office, or maybe with Tatiana. Ash texted me that she already arranged a press conference for me.

Hindi ko na muna inilagay sa closet ang mga gamit ko. I just get something I can wear while waiting for Liam. Ayaw kong pakialaman ang gamit niya so sa common bathroom na rin ako naligo at nagbihis.

After changing my clothes, I opened my social media accounts including my e-mail. Maraming pumasok agad. Some are messages, some are news. Hindi ko na pinagkaabalahang tingnan at basahin pa ang mga ito. I immediately visit my IG and posted pictures of me in Maldives. May ibang shots doon na nakikita si Liam sa likod ko. Iyon yung kararating lang namin at nasa hamba siya ng pinto at pinagmamasdan ako. There are only two photos na kasama siya but just a minute after it was posted, it was being feasted by the netizens already. I also posted it to my twitter and facebook account, ganoon din ang nangyari. I just captioned it with a heart emoticon.

Binaha ito ng comment, pati nina ate Lindsy, Laila, kuya Franco, at Ash. Some are well-wishers. Some are bashers but I don’t really care at all. After I posted it, a news article popped up.

THERESE MARGARETH GOZON-SUAREZ JUST REVEALED SOME OF THEIR HONEYMOON MOMENTS IN MALDIVES

After reading the headline, I realized that I should also change my names in social media. Especially sa facebook, so I did. Di ko na lang pinakialaman ang IG at twitter ko since first name ko lang naman ang mga ginamit ko dito. After checking at it for a while, I logged out. That’s enough publicity for now.
Hindi ko namalayan na nakaidlip pala ako sa sofa ng living room. Maybe it’s because of the flight. Nagising ako ng maramdaman ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. Nabigla ako ng maramdamang hindi na ako sa sofa nakahiga. Nasa kama na ako at nakakumot na. Nakarating na ba siya?

“Your clothes are already in the closet. Get up, we’ll have our dinner.” Napabaling ako kay Liam na kagagaling lang sa loob ng siguro ay walk-in closet niya. Hindi ko namalayan na inilipat niya ako dito. It’s already dark outside. Ipinalibot ko ang tingin sa kabuuan ng silid. Ang dingding nito na nakaharap sa labas ay glass, it’s overlooking the city lights of Makati. Ilang oras pala akong nakatulog. Sa pagkakaalala ko ay tanghali pa ng dumating ako dito. Nakalimutan ko ring hindi pala ako nagtanghalian.

“Margareth, let’s have dinner.” Napatingin na naman ako kay Liam na nasa hamba na ng pinto. Bumangon na lang ako pero umupo muna sa edge ng kama. I looked at the slipper on the floor. I did not remember buying this one, maybe he had this in here for Tatiana.

“It’s yours, I bought it in Maldives before I boarded the plane.” He defended as if he can read my mind.
Instead of answering, I just stalked him ng maglakad na siya ng makitang tumayo na ako. Wala kaming imikan ng kumain na kami sa hapag. After eating, I offered to wash the dishes since siya naman ang nagluto. He was about to protest but he received a call.
Nang matapos ako ay nasa living room na siya at may mga librong nakalatag sa harap niya. I saw one na hindi pa nakabukas kaya’t nabasa ko ang pamagat nito. It’s a law book. Is he studying law?

“Are you studying law?” hindi ko napigilan ang kyuryosidad ko. He glance up at me before he answered.

“Yes, 2nd year.” He answered shortly and then goes back to reading again.

“Uhm, sorry to disturb you but where will I sleep?” he glance my way again. He looks so serious.

“At our room, where else?” he said as if I’m so stupid to not know a basic thing. Nahiya naman na akong disturbohin siya and as much as possible, ayaw kong makipag-interact sa kanya. Baka ibring-up niya agad ang tungkol sa pagkawala ko ng halos isang buwan, hindi ko pa alam ang isasagot, kaya’t tinungo ko na agad ang kwarto niya or should I say kwarto namin.

When I entered the room, I scanned the whole of it again. I’m trying to let my system adjust to it. So dito na ako titira mula ngayon? This room, this will be my room simula ngayon. This is my home from now on. I am sad. I already imagined my married life before and my expectation wasn’t met.

From the start of this relationship, what I imagined wasn’t met even a little bit. I imagined a relationship full of love, yung magkakakilala kami sa isang simpleng paraan, yung paraan na hindi plinano. Iyong parang unexpected. I imagined that we will have small fights but because of our love, we will get through that. Inimagine ko na magpopropose siya sa akin sa isang garden or somewhere where the love of our lives are there to witness it. I’ve been dreaming of a wedding na parang magical. Sa wedding mayroong mga nameet na details like the gown, the decorations, the venue, the witnesses, and some of the entourages. Also the motifs, the songs, nameet ang mga expectations ko sa aspect na yun. Even the honeymoon, parang may part doon na nameet, but just the venue. Aside from those, wala na. The love I expected? The man I expected and prayed for? The affection we have for each other? Hindi ‘yon na attain.

My stay in New York made me realize things. Maybe, I should try accepting the fact that I am already married and maybe, just maybe, I should start living with it. Malay ko, ito ‘yong ginawa ng Panginoon para sa akin. Ito ‘yong kwentong isinulat niya sa akin. Yes, I believe that our life is a masterpiece, a written masterpiece and that the writer is God. God is the author of the story of our life and if we are still not happy, then God is not yet there at the ending. He is making us strong by giving us reasons to lean on him, to draw strength from him, and when we does and we became strong, He will then give us the happy ending that we deserve. God wants us to be the best version of ourselves. When that realizations hit me, I then concluded and promised myself na uuwi ako at gagampanan ko ang gawaing ibinagay niya sa akin. I promised in front of him na kahit anong mangyari, hindi kami maghihiwalay ni Liam. Only death can tear us apart, in this world most probably. Maybe even if there is no love involve, we can still be together. Kahit hindi na kami mag-usap, kahit hindi na kami magpansinan, I think we can still be together.