Just For Tonight

You're Okay.

"I'll love you, all of my life until you close your eyes for good. I'll love you, all of my life."

Christian~

"I saw Kacey's room," I comment to Alex quietly. Nat and Charlette left a little while ago. Both of them had something come up with their work. There's still a lot of uncertainty with Ashtyn. It's been another five days now since they'd let us know they think she's going to be okay. Eleven days now, she's been here. 

Alex nods, looking down, "I wasn't really sure what my place was there. Part of me wanted to clean it up again for you guys. The other part of me just saw the state Ashtyn was in. To me, it was more important, right then, to help her out and let her get out what she needed and then be there for the aftermath. Obviously, there's not been too much of an opportunity to help out now since." 

"Yeah," I comment, rubbing the palm of my hand with my thumb. "I always figured I'd be the one to end up losing it in there. It was going to happen at some point. That was almost inevitable. I'd just assumed that it'd be me." 

"I did see the aftermath of the bathroom," Alex comments, a hint of a joke. "I'd never seen her that gone, though. That was just about the only time I had no idea what I could even try to do to help her." Nodding, I look to where Ashtyn lays as the images of her in that room fly through my head. She'd seemed okay. She seemed like she was managing things. Things seemed good until they weren't.

Sighing, I look back to Alex, "That's probably the next step anyways. Taking out everything, not holding onto all the could've beens. I'm not sure how healthy it is to keep everything anymore. That's a conversation for a while down the road now, though. It wouldn't be right to ask her about that right now." 

"Yeah," Alex agrees. 

Neither one of us has much else to say anymore. It's just getting exhausting waiting for the uncertain. We've realized pretty quickly that we don't mind the lull in conversations. It's pretty easy to run out of things to talk about when you've spent the last almost eleven days straight with each other. 

Both of us scroll on our phones until visiting hours end. Alex stands up first, stretching out before he checks his phone again and puts it back in his pocket. "I'm gonna head out. I'll see you tomorrow." 

"See you tomorrow," I reply with a nod.

Alex heads out, and I take a second to check my phone. Official visiting hours ended a couple of minutes ago. I should probably start heading out. Looking at Ashtyn, something in me tells me I can't leave. There's no telling what it is exactly, but I can't leave tonight. 

Stepping out of the room, I make my way to the nurse's station. 

"What's up, Christian?" The head nurse Kiana asks as I approach.

"It's okay if I stay tonight, right?" I ask, not wanting to burden anyone further with whatever it is that's making me need to stay right now. 

Kiana nods, "Of course. You guys are almost always welcome. Someone would let you know otherwise."

"Okay, thank you," I reply before heading back into Ashtyn's room. 

Looking at Ashtyn, I'm almost expecting her to be awake and just okay. Contrary to what my hopes are, she's still as she's been. No actual indication that things are going to be okay. It's hard to believe that this is real. It's hard to believe that anything that's happened these last two months now is real. Sighing, I push my hair back as I sit back down in the chair I've had for nearly two weeks now. 

Pulling up my phone, I check in to see what's going on with the game. We're three and one to start off this season which is nice to see. Regardless of the circumstances, odds are I wouldn't really be playing quite yet, given how short my spring training would've been. There's no score in the top of the fifth. 

Streaming the game, I analyze what I can. My mind seemingly being anywhere else but on baseball right now. Once Ashtyn's okay, I'm sure I'll get back in it. Right now, though, it's almost impossible to think of anything but Ashtyn.

Right around eleven-thirty, I start nodding off as my head rests on my hand. Not the most comfortable arrangement but, I'll make due for a night. 

There's no telling how long that lasts, though, before any inkling of that tiredness I felt is gone as a fit of coughs rings out. 

My eyes snap open and immediately land on Ashtyn as she fights for air. Her heart rate monitor rises quickly, and before I can even truly react, a crew of people comes rushing in. They begin tending to her, helping her calm down as she comes back too. I just stand frozen as I watch my heart pounding harder than I think ever as I wait for any word on what's going on. 

It only takes minutes for them to get her calmed down before someone starts talking to her calmly. Somehow that pulls me back in as I just stare and see how panicked Ashtyn looks right now. Her eyes are darting around, and her breathing is rapid while she attempts to figure out what's happened. 

"Ashtyn," Kiana says calmly, "Ashtyn, you're safe, you're okay. Ashtyn, can you hear me?" Kiana's voice and hearing how she seems to know exactly how to handle this calms me even more. Something in how she speaks makes me believe for the first time, fully, that Ashtyn is okay. Ashtyn's eyes continue to dart for a moment as Kiana continues to speak before they find her. "Hey, you're okay," Kiana nods, "Just look at me and breathe, okay? You're okay, I promise. We've got you just breathe." Kiana continues to talk to her like this before her panic attack lulls. 

"Ashtyn, my name is Kiana. I've been helping take care of you for the last eleven days." Ashtyn's eyes go wide. It's incredibly evident that she's got no idea what's going on. How could she? "You overdosed on cocaine which put you in tachycardia, which means that your heart was beating way too fast, which put you into cardiac arrest." I don't know if she'd even heard everything. As soon as Kiana said, 'Overdosed,' Ashtyn's eyes found me for the first time. 

The emotions that flashed on her face made my chest clench. What am I even supposed to do right now? I just want to tell her that it's okay, but I don't even know how with everything happening right now. Let alone without knowing where we even stand anymore. God only knows how I look right now as I stare back at her. 

"Try to relax, Ashtyn, and get some rest," Kiana tells her, still as calm as she'd been, pulling Ashtyn's attention from me. "I promise you're safe and that you're okay." 

Rest? She's been out for eleven days. Ashtyn's breathing calms again as she seems to take in what's been said. Kiana looks at me, while everyone else attending to Ash, and the various tubes and devices attached to her, continue what they're doing. She makes sure Ashtyn's okay before approaching me.

"Obviously, this is very good for her," Kiana starts off, very serious now as she talks to me. As much as I'm trying to pay full attention to her, my eyes don't move from Ashtyn. "I need you to be prepared, though, for what's to come." I nod, making sure to acknowledge that I am listening to her. "She's going to be confused and at times even agitated. She's just missed the last eleven days and gone through some pretty significant trauma. Just because she's awake doesn't mean that she's fine now. As much as we'd all love for it to be, real comas aren't anything like what you'd see on TV. Until she's awake a little more and out of that comatose dazed state, there's no real telling the extent of things. It's possible that she's lost her ability to speak, walk, and that she's lost her fine motor skills as well. All of those are something she'd just need to relearn over time. However, we don't know the extent of everything yet." Holy shit. 

I look back at Kiana confused, how is that even possible? It's not like she had a head injury. "We don't know how her brain was affected yet by how low its activity was at one point. All that being said though, Christian, this right here." She gestures to, Ashtyn, "Is a very good sign."

Nodding, again, I chew on the inside of my lip, overwhelmed by everything right now. Where do I even begin trying to process any of this right now? "Are you okay?" Kiana asks me now, all I can do is nod. What would I even begin to say otherwise?